“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane was uncomfortable, up to her shoulders on two full chucks, propped and wedged so she couldn’t move. I had two nurses hold her up while I got rid of the chucks. We got her positioned much more comfortably. Jane cried at times, but not excessively. She’d had Darvoset before I arrived. Actually, I felt her upset was another good sign.

(She had periodic bouts of panic as she ate, and we talked these out to some extent. I asked her to just not bury the feelings, and I don’t think she did. Jane came up with several excellent insights. One of them is that she may have associated punishment with physical motion — this idea stemming from her days at the Catholic home, where the youngsters were made to kneel for long periods of time as punishment for various “wrongs.” This came to Jane’s consciousness as we watched a very creative skit on the TV program Sesame Street. I’d never heard her make this connection before.

(Another insight is that “the body has it’s own rights.” Seth has said this many times, as have I, but it evidently hadn’t meant all that much to Jane before.

(At one time during breakfast when she became upset and panicky again, I repeated my use of suggestion/mild hypnosis as I had the other day. Again, results were good. Jane stared at me intently as I spoke each word.

(I was pleased. In view of all of those early enjoyable events she’d had, I suggested she try focusing on them in times of stress, instead of the negative ones we usually talk about. All in all, I think we learned a great deal, and that we had hope after all, in contrast to my mood yesterday.

(When I asked her if she wanted to have a session, she said in surprise that she had no idea for one, and was hardly ready or in the mood. I said she didn’t have to. She was obviously getting restless and had been on her back long enough. But almost at once Jane began a session after all. She spoke slowly, eyes closed often, her voice still uneven and very emotional at times, even quavering.)

(4:24 p.m. “I had to stop several times because of bladder spasms,” Jane said, which helped account for her uneven delivery. She said that at the same time she’d felt panicky a couple of times, and she’d had a very catchy, well-known tune running through her head. “I don’t know,” she said. “I guess I was getting from Seth: ‘Ruburt will make out okay in hydro,’ because it’s something I’ve been dreading.”

(Jane didn’t eat much for supper, which seemed okay. I was getting tired. I left at 7:15 and drove to the funeral home. I felt self-conscious about my blue jeans and shoes. I’d left the house so early and quickly I hadn’t had time to plan for anything to wear more formally. I carried with me the jacket I usually wear when I nap at 330 — it looked a bit more presentable.

(But I soon discovered at the funeral home that it mattered not; people wore anything. I met John, Margaret, and others there, and signed a guest book. Joe lay in a deep crimson casket. I told John that he really did look peaceful, as at no other time in his life. It was the same feeling I’d had staring at my parents in their respective caskets. People laughed and joked. I told John I expected to attend the service tomorrow at the funeral home, that I was willing to be an honorary pallbearer, providing the times worked out. They all understood, since they knew I’d been at the hospital all day. I don’t think I’d better consider being late to 330, after today’s events. I told the Bumbalos I’d call if anything came up early in the day. John said they have enough food to feed me for a week, after it’s all over. Life goes on, even in our reality.