“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(After a meager lunch she said that last night she got a flash, like an “ear pop,” that she wasn’t going to die at this time. It was very brief but very clear. I’d known she had something to tell me after lunch, but hadn’t expected this. I had absolutely no reaction to the news at all — and at once remembered my total lack of reaction when our lawyer had told me that the insurance business was settled. I was evidently so numb from repeated doses of fear and concern and negativity and Jane’s worsening situation daily, that I couldn’t react. I didn’t believe or disbelieve it. I was afraid to hope, perhaps.

(Jane could still hurry things up when she wanted to — hence the early session because I was leaving later. I must be more negative than I thought after all this time, for I didn’t believe her when she said she wasn’t going to die now. For it certainly does seem that her life is almost over. When she says these days that she’s going to die, I agree with her.

(When she finally asked me what I thought of the session, I had trouble expressing any hope, versus those negative feelings I’ve been aware of for so long now. I did say things like, “This morning while working on Chapter 9 for Dreams I had to reread some sessions from back in 1981 — and they’re perfect. They go into exact detail as to what was wrong, and they fit today like a glove. Only look where we are now — a lot worse off.” What had happened to the four years?