1 result for (book:wth AND heading:"part two chapter 14 august 30 1984" AND stemmed:but)
6/30 (20%)
Oh
dentist
die
lunch
worsening
[... 4 paragraphs ...]
(That little exchange pretty much sums up our attitudes these days, and Jane’s worsening physical condition. She ate some lunch yesterday, but little supper. Today she ate less lunch. I reminded her that I had to go to the dentist at 4:15. This at once compressed her ideas of the time in which to do anything, although I didn’t feel any pressure. She asked me about the time quite often.
(After a meager lunch she said that last night she got a flash, like an “ear pop,” that she wasn’t going to die at this time. It was very brief but very clear. I’d known she had something to tell me after lunch, but hadn’t expected this. I had absolutely no reaction to the news at all — and at once remembered my total lack of reaction when our lawyer had told me that the insurance business was settled. I was evidently so numb from repeated doses of fear and concern and negativity and Jane’s worsening situation daily, that I couldn’t react. I didn’t believe or disbelieve it. I was afraid to hope, perhaps.
[... 5 paragraphs ...]
Ruburt’s feeling is true: he is not ready to die yet — he will not die yet. There is a difference between feeling a certain way, and knowing the feeling is true — that is, it is true you feel, perhaps, that A is B, but you can be completely wrong in your interpretation. Because you feel that, say, A and B are one, this does not make them so.
[... 5 paragraphs ...]
(2:59. “Oh God,” Jane said, using an expression that’s become one of her favorites. “Give me a puff. As soon as I said I’d do it — the session — I got scared. It shows how you’ve got to get those feelings out. I wish I could yell and scream, but I can’t …” I read her the session. “Oh, my arms,” she said. I’d felt them, and she was holding them as rigid as bent metal rods.
[... 7 paragraphs ...]
(“But I do care,” Jane protested. “I care a lot. I’ve even thought of dying to let you go free.”
[... 1 paragraph ...]
(I should add that I didn’t mean I wished she’d die so that I’d be free. I want her to live — with me, at home, working and singing. I thought of this in the dentist’s chair. I forgot to tell her when I got back at supper time, but will tomorrow. Jane called just as I was typing this session.)
[... 1 paragraph ...]
