“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Strange, I said to Jane when finally I got back to 330. Maybe the whole insurance mess will be reopened in more confusion. I should have known that the calm of the last few months was deceptive. Our bill has run up again to around $55,000 — and here insurance hasn’t been sending me any checks. My idea that the hospital might be billing them quarterly or something like that must have been wishful thinking. I’m going to forget the whole business if at all possible.

(All right,” Jane said.

(It’s events like this that make me despair, for once again I see Jane going along in the same old way, and wonder what, if anything, has been learned out of all of this. How can one say much has been learned, I wondered, if my wife is at death’s door, and is currently starving herself? Each challenge we have to meet and surmount is at a lower level, and simply to break it or surmount it leaves one only back at the next level from which the fall took place. There’s never a surge up a few rungs on the ladder, from which we can look back in triumph.

(As I massaged Jane’s left leg, she made so much noise — moaning — that Georgia came in. I explained the benefits, and showed her what I was doing. Georgia understood. After the session I massaged all of Jane’s limbs — and once again achieved excellent results. Jane had more motions in her legs and feet especially. And in spite of those good results, once again I wondered: What did you have to do to even get back to the perch from which you’d recently fallen?)