“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I told Jane that I woke up at about 4:00 a.m., worrying about all the things I had to get done this week. I was ready to start on another session for Chapter 7 of Dreams, but realized I’d have to let that go. I had to go to the bank to get checks and money orders to pay taxes and bills, hook up the garden hose, and learn how to work the new sprinkler I’d bought to spray the flowers out back. Then Wednesday morning I’m scheduled to see our lawyer regarding taxes, Jane’s social security, and so on. Later this month I should apply for my own social security benefits. There will doubtless be other things to do.

(So I didn’t get to work on Dreams this morning, but hope to tomorrow. Trying to finish that book makes me feel like my feet are in quicksand up to my knees. I’m continually losing my sense of involvement, of creative application on a daily basis that is so indispensable, and I’m continually searching for ways to recapture it and keep it going on a daily basis. Jane suggested I get a checking account. It would help a little, but I need much more than that. I’m pruning away as much as I can, including a lot of business mail and projects we could get involved in. I no longer answer certain business or fan mail.

Often, seriously ill people quite clearly recognize such feelings, but they have been taught not to speak of them. The desire to die is considered cowardly, even evil, by some religions — and yet behind that desire lies all of the vitality of the will to life, which may already be seeking for new avenues of expression and meaning.

This does not mean that anyone consciously decides to get such-and-such a disease, but it does mean that some people instinctively realize that their own individual development and fulfillment does now demand another new framework of existence.

Much loneliness results when people who know they are going to die feel unable to communicate with loved ones for fear of hurting their feelings. Still, other kinds of individuals will live long productive lives even while their physical mobility or health is most severely impaired. They will still feel that they had work to do, or that they were needed — but the main thrusts of their beings still reside in the physical universe.