“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This material is free-association stuff, following Seth’s suggestion in the private session for Jane on May 15. We’re to discuss her mistrust of her physical body, and related subjects. We’d have tried it yesterday, except that Jim Baker brought her the new glasses. What follows is obviously simplified and shorter, since I couldn’t record every spoken word between us. We wanted to tap into the hidden emotions behind the words.

(She also recounted how she didn’t have to take gym in school because of her periods, and how Marie said Del had bad eyes because of the syphilis and couldn’t read. Jane remembers all of those feelings, yet doesn’t feel them, she said. She was very afraid to get pregnant, and never fooled around. After our marriage she was afraid of being pregnant, thinking it would wreck our careers. I reminded her that when she did get pregnant, I hadn’t been terribly upset, and accepted it. She felt the men didn’t pay her serious attention at the science-fiction conference 27 years ago because she was a woman. The same with the psychic stuff: a hysterical woman. She felt that men were superior to women.

(Jane was terrified a couple of times that she might be pregnant by me. Yet except for one time in a passionate moment she never had any urge to have a child. “But I certainly felt the feminine part of you was the part you couldn’t trust,” she said. As we talked about these things she said she was getting edgy and nervous, and wanted a cigarette, so we were getting close to buried feelings.

(4:32 p.m. It was getting windy outside, and cooler, and was clouding over. “To tell you the truth, I was so uncomfortable I didn’t think I could have a session,” Jane said. She had a cigarette before I turned her. We thought of games involving the French book, or even crossword puzzles. In the ash tree just starting to get leaves beside the windows of 330, I saw a tiny yellow bird flitting about among the branches. I pointed it out to Jane, but she couldn’t quite see it, except for a flash of color. I’d seen the same bird, I think, yesterday afternoon also.