“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I described to Jane my recent use of the pendulum to study my guilt feelings about her having her symptoms and losing her teeth. We went into considerable detail here. At the time we talked my gums were bothering me considerably in the lower front, and I’ve been having more than enough tooth trouble. I explained in some detail my feelings of guilt because Jane has her troubles. There was some emotion involved. Jane thinks I can regenerate my teeth and gums.

(We then discussed her reaction to her early religious home environment, especially to the priests in her life. She agreed that her own behavior was compulsive, in her fastening upon religion, say, and later on me. Some of this may have been due to her lack of a normal home environment, without a father, we said, yet I felt there were strong independent elements in her personality that encouraged such behavior anyhow. Of course all extremes aren’t acceptable, as say, a life of crime. Jane lacked a countering influence to the priests. She also felt “betrayed” by Father Darren when he made advances to her when she was in her earlier teens. The book burning didn’t help, either. The religious ideas really took hold, and I think we still only partially understand why.

(Because of the interruptions by staff, Jane didn’t stay long with the pendulum. She said she also felt that she should cover up her use of the pendulum, that “people will really think I’m nuts.” I said that the truth of the matter is that no one paid the slightest attention to the pendulum lying on her belly, nor even understood what she was doing. I added that she had to be true to herself, that her troubles came from her not being so, and that if she wanted to use the pendulum then she should do so.

(Jane did get a few answers, and was able to hold the pendulum better in her left hand than she’d thought she could. First she received no answer when she asked if she had a clear road to using her abilities. Then came the answer, “No.” The pendulum said it could help her open a clear road to motion. She did get the feeling of weight or motion while using the pendulum, which she said was a good sign. Mostly she decided to talk, though.

(Then we talked about her grandparents in connection with Jane and Marie; her grandmother’s death; the lawsuit against the town, which I don’t think I’d heard about before; welfare; Jane’s grandfather, Joseph Burdo, and her feelings for him, and so forth. She told me how a traffic light was installed at the corner of Lake Street and Nelson Avenue, as a result of the suit Marie won against the city, concerning her grandmother’s death. Jane recalled no details about the suit, the time it took, the money involved. She’d been perhaps five or six years old. I said that once again Jane had been presented with extremes of behavior in the family. There hadn’t been any middle ground, it seemed. She talked about her grandfather’s death at the age of 68, when she was 20 years old. I was surprised to hear her say that she’d never read any of her poetry to him.)

(May 9: Jane read the free-association material for the two previous days, and did quite well indeed. She read portions of it very rapidly. As we discussed it a little she reminded me that she still experienced feelings of isolation at times. I said they might be normal enough, that everyone was essentially isolated, or at least alone, since no one else could live their life for them. They couldn’t be born for them or die for them. At the same time I knew what she meant — that she needed pretty steady or even constant reinforcement in the world.

(On the TV program, In Search Of, we watched a presentation of Cleve Backster and his work with plants reacting — or not, as the case was sometimes — to human emotions. Very interesting, we thought.

(After her lunch and reading of the free-association material, Jane said she didn’t really know what to do with herself. I started work on fan mail, which has begun to pile up again. At 3:45, Jane said she sensed or felt a “larger you” — meaning me — about her. It was a hard thing to describe, she said, and echoed my question about it being my own entity, or a portion thereof. She felt a great love from the entity. If it could be described at all, she said, it could be “circular,” though really it had no form in that sense.

(It was getting late when Jane said she felt Seth around after all. We had one interruption right after she started: A young girl delivered a bowl of flowers from Steve and Tracy Blumenthal. Jane lay quietly in trance while I took the gift from the girl and set it on the stand beside my chair.)

(Pause.) Ruburt’s experience this afternoon was a response to your own notes concerning communication and its importance.

The television program, about the communication of plants, also served as an impetus, so that Ruburt was able to sense the continuous “inner world” flow of love and cooperation within which all of life is couched. Ruburt had spoken about feeling isolated at times, and the experience was meant also to show him that isolation itself is an illusion.

(4:35 p.m. “It wasn’t terribly vivid,” Jane said about her experience, after I’d read the session to her, “but it was noticeable enough to be noticed — you know what I mean?” I said that in the session she’d effectively answered her own questions about the experience. I suggested that perhaps she could have it again when she was alone — at night, say.)