“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I described to Jane my recent use of the pendulum to study my guilt feelings about her having her symptoms and losing her teeth. We went into considerable detail here. At the time we talked my gums were bothering me considerably in the lower front, and I’ve been having more than enough tooth trouble. I explained in some detail my feelings of guilt because Jane has her troubles. There was some emotion involved. Jane thinks I can regenerate my teeth and gums.

(We then discussed her reaction to her early religious home environment, especially to the priests in her life. She agreed that her own behavior was compulsive, in her fastening upon religion, say, and later on me. Some of this may have been due to her lack of a normal home environment, without a father, we said, yet I felt there were strong independent elements in her personality that encouraged such behavior anyhow. Of course all extremes aren’t acceptable, as say, a life of crime. Jane lacked a countering influence to the priests. She also felt “betrayed” by Father Darren when he made advances to her when she was in her earlier teens. The book burning didn’t help, either. The religious ideas really took hold, and I think we still only partially understand why.

(This is important to note: after we’d had our talk, I suddenly realized that my gums had stopped bothering me. I told Jane I’d forgotten about the situation. The lesson is obvious, as I wrote when I got home: Sharing the challenge with those others who are involved helps a great deal, and may be vital. The others can, it seems, help minimize the negative aspects of a situation while enhancing the positive. Have I helped Jane in this manner, or hindered her by reinforcing joint negative beliefs? But the event helped me get first-hand experience with the therapeutic benefits that can stem from simple communication. It reminded me of the therapist’s classic couch. I want to discuss this more with Jane.)

(Then we talked about her grandparents in connection with Jane and Marie; her grandmother’s death; the lawsuit against the town, which I don’t think I’d heard about before; welfare; Jane’s grandfather, Joseph Burdo, and her feelings for him, and so forth. She told me how a traffic light was installed at the corner of Lake Street and Nelson Avenue, as a result of the suit Marie won against the city, concerning her grandmother’s death. Jane recalled no details about the suit, the time it took, the money involved. She’d been perhaps five or six years old. I said that once again Jane had been presented with extremes of behavior in the family. There hadn’t been any middle ground, it seemed. She talked about her grandfather’s death at the age of 68, when she was 20 years old. I was surprised to hear her say that she’d never read any of her poetry to him.)

(May 9: Jane read the free-association material for the two previous days, and did quite well indeed. She read portions of it very rapidly. As we discussed it a little she reminded me that she still experienced feelings of isolation at times. I said they might be normal enough, that everyone was essentially isolated, or at least alone, since no one else could live their life for them. They couldn’t be born for them or die for them. At the same time I knew what she meant — that she needed pretty steady or even constant reinforcement in the world.

(After her lunch and reading of the free-association material, Jane said she didn’t really know what to do with herself. I started work on fan mail, which has begun to pile up again. At 3:45, Jane said she sensed or felt a “larger you” — meaning me — about her. It was a hard thing to describe, she said, and echoed my question about it being my own entity, or a portion thereof. She felt a great love from the entity. If it could be described at all, she said, it could be “circular,” though really it had no form in that sense.