“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We then discussed her reaction to her early religious home environment, especially to the priests in her life. She agreed that her own behavior was compulsive, in her fastening upon religion, say, and later on me. Some of this may have been due to her lack of a normal home environment, without a father, we said, yet I felt there were strong independent elements in her personality that encouraged such behavior anyhow. Of course all extremes aren’t acceptable, as say, a life of crime. Jane lacked a countering influence to the priests. She also felt “betrayed” by Father Darren when he made advances to her when she was in her earlier teens. The book burning didn’t help, either. The religious ideas really took hold, and I think we still only partially understand why.

(Because of the interruptions by staff, Jane didn’t stay long with the pendulum. She said she also felt that she should cover up her use of the pendulum, that “people will really think I’m nuts.” I said that the truth of the matter is that no one paid the slightest attention to the pendulum lying on her belly, nor even understood what she was doing. I added that she had to be true to herself, that her troubles came from her not being so, and that if she wanted to use the pendulum then she should do so.

(After her lunch and reading of the free-association material, Jane said she didn’t really know what to do with herself. I started work on fan mail, which has begun to pile up again. At 3:45, Jane said she sensed or felt a “larger you” — meaning me — about her. It was a hard thing to describe, she said, and echoed my question about it being my own entity, or a portion thereof. She felt a great love from the entity. If it could be described at all, she said, it could be “circular,” though really it had no form in that sense.

(The aftereffects from the “form” lingered as we talked about it and I made these notes. Jane hadn’t been consciously thinking about psychic matters. Earlier I’d read her the verse from the birthday card I’d bought her yesterday, and she had enjoyed that as much as she had yesterday, when I’d read it to her for the first time. Both of us had felt emotion at the reading, both times. She didn’t know if that might have triggered her experience. But our feelings engendered by the reading of the card were valuable events in themselves.

(It was getting late when Jane said she felt Seth around after all. We had one interruption right after she started: A young girl delivered a bowl of flowers from Steve and Tracy Blumenthal. Jane lay quietly in trance while I took the gift from the girl and set it on the stand beside my chair.)