“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(At least when I’ve been there in 330, Jane’s appetite has gone downhill, and she’s slacked off on free-association material and the sessions. I thought of requesting of staff that she be given some Darvoset, or something like it, in the afternoons, but I hadn’t mentioned this because I felt my wife would reject the idea. Then yesterday Jane promised to hold a session today, after I’d said that a session might help.

(The day was warm — in the 60’s — and rainy at times. The windows were wide open so that traffic noise hit us. Down the hall somewhere a woman was shouting periodically — a display that took a lot of work and energy after a few hours. One of the nurses called her “a pain in the ass,” then laughed when she added that the woman did have hemorrhoids. But to me her unintelligible shouting signaled more than a physical affliction.)

I may return briefly, but in any case I do now activate those coordinates that do increase feelings of self-love, exuberance, and well-being.

(I felt depressed after today’s session, for it seemed to me that Jane still hasn’t shaken her fears, especially her distrust of her own body and its processes, after all this time. I saw the birthday/Mother’s Day hassle as only the latest wrinkle in a 20-year cycle of reasons for the symptoms. The question isn’t why she’s so uncomfortable these days, but why the body, the psyche, has chosen to endure those symptoms for so long.)