“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We talked about her home environment, and how in 1965 the young psychologist at Dr. Instream’s hypnosis symposium had rearoused her fears, and my own upsets. Jane recalled being called a fraud by a fellow student in college, and by my mother. We talked about religion. All of this engendered some emotional reactions, but no tears. I kept trying to go back to what had happened before Jane got her symptoms, before she became well-known, and so forth. I told her I remembered Seth saying once that her symptoms “were amazingly stubborn.” Many things spoke of a great fear of spontaneity, reinforced again and again after the sessions had started, and the symptoms.

(“Years ago in the 1960’s,” Jane said, “I thought I loved you a lot more than you loved me, and that you could get along very well all by yourself.” I said that was a total misconception on her part, that I’d never had such ideas, nor wanted to do any such thing. It had never entered my head. I knew things bugged me — working, being an artist, or trying to, and so forth — but not anything to do with her. I didn’t even fear fatherhood as much as she feared becoming pregnant. Not that I wanted fatherhood.

(We talked a lot about our early days together — work and our arts, prestige, money, and the opinions of others. I said that much of what we talked about would be considered the normal hassles in life, but that we had put negative connotations on those things and ignored the positive. Our told troubles now seem minute in retrospect. I added that each person is so different from each other person that it’s useless to make judgments, so each person might as well do their thing and let the chips fall. Who’s to say it’s right or wrong, as long as one doesn’t injure another, or steal, and so on.

You want to clear the road. The free association is valuable because it helps to point out those conflicting feelings and beliefs, brings them into consciousness, and into the present moment, where they can indeed be understood in the light of knowledge that has been acquired since — but not been allowed to act upon the old conflicting beliefs.

Often Ruburt has not been in touch with his own feelings, but would try to intellectualize many away. He needs to realize that it is safe to express himself — and that expression will not bring about abandonment.

People who wrote books against the Catholic Church were excommunicated. Ruburt transferred those fears to society at large. There was a conflict between creative work and the church even when only poetry was involved. He should indeed give himself suggestions that the necessary insights will come to him, and that the proper connections be made whether consciously or unconsciously. But the idea is that it is safe to express himself, and that the true purpose of his life is indeed to express those characteristics that compose his personal reality.

These issues do all fit together, but they can be unscrambled, brought into the present, and reconciled. The body is more than agreeable, and more than able, to bring about an extraordinary recovery.

(4:33. “I did pretty good,” Jane said as I lit a smoke for her. “I didn’t know whether I could do it or not. I almost came out of it a couple of times, but I did it.” I’d noticed the instances she meant. I read the session to her. She had a couple of thoughts as she listened to me. One: She transferred stuff about excommunication into the loss of companionship — that nobody would want anything to do with you if you crossed them up. Two: She’d tried to be more like me — cooler, not expressing so many emotions, more in control. And that had been a mistake on her part, a serious one, born, I said, out of her desire for protection and love.

(4:45.) In other words, Ruburt was given strong creative abilities that he was determined to express — but at the same time early in his life he was given the idea that it was highly dangerous to express the very uniqueness that was inherent in his creativity. This is a part of the main issue.

(4:50 p.m. Jane had been interrupted once during her second delivery. “That was very good,” I told her. “It contains excellent suggestions in itself.” I’ve already planned to read it to her every day for a while. It can serve well as a basis for self-hypnosis, but I also plan to help my wife here, and we can see what we can accomplish in the afternoons.

(I hardly had time to discuss it with her, but I think the session is a breakthrough one that’s most valuable. It also showed me that even Jane’s poetry was suspect, where I’d been under the impression that the poetry was the one aspect of her creative abilities that was essentially free, or uncontaminated by fears or doubts. For years I’d thought that if Jane had done only poetry, she’d have had minimal troubles, if any.)