“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane had had thoughts of death when she came into the hospital a year ago. She was on morphine and had hallucinations, too. Frank Longwell’s father had just died, and she feared she might take the same road. She really did dislike women when she was younger. She’d been afraid of her body, and sex. Took it as a compliment when told she had a mind like a man. Also thought women disliked her — feared that she was after their men, and all kinds of things.

(We talked about her home environment, and how in 1965 the young psychologist at Dr. Instream’s hypnosis symposium had rearoused her fears, and my own upsets. Jane recalled being called a fraud by a fellow student in college, and by my mother. We talked about religion. All of this engendered some emotional reactions, but no tears. I kept trying to go back to what had happened before Jane got her symptoms, before she became well-known, and so forth. I told her I remembered Seth saying once that her symptoms “were amazingly stubborn.” Many things spoke of a great fear of spontaneity, reinforced again and again after the sessions had started, and the symptoms.

(“Years ago in the 1960’s,” Jane said, “I thought I loved you a lot more than you loved me, and that you could get along very well all by yourself.” I said that was a total misconception on her part, that I’d never had such ideas, nor wanted to do any such thing. It had never entered my head. I knew things bugged me — working, being an artist, or trying to, and so forth — but not anything to do with her. I didn’t even fear fatherhood as much as she feared becoming pregnant. Not that I wanted fatherhood.

(Jane said she thought that if I’d had to choose between painting and her, I’d have chosen painting. Not so, I said — after all, I worked at commercial art four years full time at one stretch, and part time a number of other times. She agreed that she needed much approval — something I hadn’t fully understood at the time we married. I added that I’d always been proud of her as my wife, and considered myself very lucky to have her. I’d never once questioned her loyalty or love, and I’d taken it that she felt the same way. I discovered today that I could have been wrong at times — strange.

Above all, Ruburt must not concentrate upon what is wrong. In the deepest of terms, if you understand my meaning, nothing is wrong. You have instead a conglomeration of severely conflicting beliefs, so that there is no clear single road to action.

The expression of emotions in itself is an expression of action, of motion. To move requires first of all the expression of feeling, and the expression of any feeling makes room for still further motion. Self-hypnosis can indeed be invaluable in terms of accelerating bodily motion and healing. Expression, rather than repression, is vital.

(Very long pause.) He should also realize that pleasure is indeed a virtue. By all means express your emotions to each other as they naturally occur. Ruburt was not taught to love himself as a child, and thought of his talents as a way of justifying his existence — an existence of somewhat suspicious nature, he felt, since his mother told him often that he was responsible for her own poor health.

These issues do all fit together, but they can be unscrambled, brought into the present, and reconciled. The body is more than agreeable, and more than able, to bring about an extraordinary recovery.

He is to realize that if he has any duty or purpose in life, it is indeed to express those very abilities (all very emphatically), since those abilities are so natural in his makeup, they also possess their own protective mechanisms. He must realize that he is free to express his poetic, psychic nature, and to follow wherever it leads — since it is indeed his natural pathway into existence, and his most intimate connection with the universe, and with All That Is.