“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(The symptoms — and now the hospital — protected her from criticism, eliminated book tours, the whole bit. Jane got scared with Sumari in the beginning, just as she had at the start of the sessions in 1963, but she was also very curious and turned on. She was also frightened at the tests in sessions, of being wrong, and of the seance. Thought she’d be called a hysterical woman, an exhibitionist, and so on. Being right didn’t carry the weight that being wrong did. Very good. There were tears at various times with today’s material.

(At 4:40, she was near tears when I asked why her psyche hadn’t risen up to protect her when it became obvious that she was heading for deep trouble with the symptoms. She said her psyche did rise up to protect her many times — otherwise she’d have died, of course. She mentioned various periods of improvement — her work on her unfinished and unpublished autobiography, From This Rich Bed; her published novel, The Education of Oversoul Seven, and so on. But each time a new book came out she got worse. Near tears, she said that she didn’t have to get any worse when a new book comes out — what’s left? She agreed with me that she now has the ultimate protection of the hospital.

It will help, as you did once some time ago, if you compose a list of Ruburt’s good qualities and excellent personal characteristics.

(Even those at the writer’s conference in the summer of 1957, at Milford, Pennsylvania, told her she’d outgrow her urge to write — that she should have a baby. And Jane felt that her body could betray her by getting pregnant. She even thought I felt that way. It’s true that I had no urge for parenthood, but I didn’t think of betrayal, or bargains. Jane was afraid getting pregnant would ruin my career because I’d have to work full time. I could have reacted better than that, I’m sure.

(I read parts of the session for April 18 to Jane — wherein Seth had said she’d become extremely frightened. It’s an excellent session. “But that’s it,” Jane said mournfully. “I’m afraid I’ve gotten in so deep I can’t get out.” A good, up-to-the-minute fear, out in the open. I’ve had the same fear many times. “But I’ve decided that enough is enough,” Jane said, after I’d speculated about why her psyche hadn’t put the brakes on her symptoms before this. Emotions were expressed after all, today, and the session was a success.)