“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Long pause.) Ruburt felt that his writing, and writing abilities, justified his existence — that it, the ability to write should make up for all other deficiencies. His mother helped make him feel unlikeable, but his abilities seemed to be his saving grace — and therefore to be encouraged and protected at all costs.

(Afterward we tried some free association. Jane began talking of her attempts to get people to listen to her poetry, and her early fears that she was considered odd because of her talents. This led her into talk about my mother’s opinion of her — though I tried to show that Stella’s opinion had changed and that she really liked Jane in later years. Jane agreed. I said it’s easy to judge the past, whereas one should instead simply try to learn from it and understand it, and go on from there. We seemed to arrive at an impasse of understanding today.

(Jane was afraid of others as a young girl, and even in college — that she wouldn’t get their approval — whereas, I said, the others should have been afraid that they wouldn’t get her approval, since her abilities transcended theirs. So why should she sink to the common denominator? Jane said she’d never thought of that. I said it’s too bad the young don’t have the insight to stress their capabilities regardless of the opinions of others — but such thinking comes with age, usually, I’m afraid.

(Even those at the writer’s conference in the summer of 1957, at Milford, Pennsylvania, told her she’d outgrow her urge to write — that she should have a baby. And Jane felt that her body could betray her by getting pregnant. She even thought I felt that way. It’s true that I had no urge for parenthood, but I didn’t think of betrayal, or bargains. Jane was afraid getting pregnant would ruin my career because I’d have to work full time. I could have reacted better than that, I’m sure.