“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Long pause.) Ruburt felt that his writing, and writing abilities, justified his existence — that it, the ability to write should make up for all other deficiencies. His mother helped make him feel unlikeable, but his abilities seemed to be his saving grace — and therefore to be encouraged and protected at all costs.

(Afterward we tried some free association. Jane began talking of her attempts to get people to listen to her poetry, and her early fears that she was considered odd because of her talents. This led her into talk about my mother’s opinion of her — though I tried to show that Stella’s opinion had changed and that she really liked Jane in later years. Jane agreed. I said it’s easy to judge the past, whereas one should instead simply try to learn from it and understand it, and go on from there. We seemed to arrive at an impasse of understanding today.

(Yet she finally admitted that she knew she’d succeeded with my mother — not with my father, though. As to her own mother, Marie, I said it was perfectly okay to admit that she didn’t succeed there, or chose to withdraw or admit failure. Jane thought her mother hated her as a child, and still did even now. The mother’s hatred, Jane said, led to her need for protection — perfectly normal, I said. Jane said that when he was drunk her father told her that Marie was her enemy. Evidently she believed this.