“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(No session was held today, April 21, 1984, but we did do some free associating, so I’ll present a summary of that material here, and follow it with a session and more free association whenever they come through.

(The symptoms — and now the hospital — protected her from criticism, eliminated book tours, the whole bit. Jane got scared with Sumari in the beginning, just as she had at the start of the sessions in 1963, but she was also very curious and turned on. She was also frightened at the tests in sessions, of being wrong, and of the seance. Thought she’d be called a hysterical woman, an exhibitionist, and so on. Being right didn’t carry the weight that being wrong did. Very good. There were tears at various times with today’s material.

(I talked about the first session for Jane’s symptoms — the private portion of Session 208, for November 15, 1965 — yet she said that for her the whole thing really started the day before we went to a party in June 1966 regarding How to Develop Your ESP Power. Our friends wanted to celebrate the publication of her first “psychic” book, her first mention of Seth, but she read poetry at the party and wouldn’t talk about the ESP book — too embarrassed. A strange, protective way to behave.

(At 4:40, she was near tears when I asked why her psyche hadn’t risen up to protect her when it became obvious that she was heading for deep trouble with the symptoms. She said her psyche did rise up to protect her many times — otherwise she’d have died, of course. She mentioned various periods of improvement — her work on her unfinished and unpublished autobiography, From This Rich Bed; her published novel, The Education of Oversoul Seven, and so on. But each time a new book came out she got worse. Near tears, she said that she didn’t have to get any worse when a new book comes out — what’s left? She agreed with me that she now has the ultimate protection of the hospital.

(A session obviously was held the next day, however, on April 22, 1984. It took place on Easter Sunday, a chilly, gray day. Jane had read the free-association material for yesterday; she got through it okay, but had to struggle a bit. After we’d talked about the material, she announced a session.)

(Long pause.) Ruburt felt that his writing, and writing abilities, justified his existence — that it, the ability to write should make up for all other deficiencies. His mother helped make him feel unlikeable, but his abilities seemed to be his saving grace — and therefore to be encouraged and protected at all costs.

Then use this brief session itself as a starting point for free association. I may or may not return this afternoon, but I do activate those coordinates that quicken understanding, exuberance, and well-being.

(Jane was afraid of others as a young girl, and even in college — that she wouldn’t get their approval — whereas, I said, the others should have been afraid that they wouldn’t get her approval, since her abilities transcended theirs. So why should she sink to the common denominator? Jane said she’d never thought of that. I said it’s too bad the young don’t have the insight to stress their capabilities regardless of the opinions of others — but such thinking comes with age, usually, I’m afraid.

(Even those at the writer’s conference in the summer of 1957, at Milford, Pennsylvania, told her she’d outgrow her urge to write — that she should have a baby. And Jane felt that her body could betray her by getting pregnant. She even thought I felt that way. It’s true that I had no urge for parenthood, but I didn’t think of betrayal, or bargains. Jane was afraid getting pregnant would ruin my career because I’d have to work full time. I could have reacted better than that, I’m sure.

(I think the important thing today was that as we talked we saw how with each category Jane described negative beliefs and reactions — an excellent point. It’s a thought we’ve had before — but it seems that each thing we’ve accomplished has been in the face of, or in spite of, a barrage of negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

(I read parts of the session for April 18 to Jane — wherein Seth had said she’d become extremely frightened. It’s an excellent session. “But that’s it,” Jane said mournfully. “I’m afraid I’ve gotten in so deep I can’t get out.” A good, up-to-the-minute fear, out in the open. I’ve had the same fear many times. “But I’ve decided that enough is enough,” Jane said, after I’d speculated about why her psyche hadn’t put the brakes on her symptoms before this. Emotions were expressed after all, today, and the session was a success.)