“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I had several questions resulting from Jane’s material of yesterday. A remark that I’d made, to the effect that her illness has probably cost us at least half a dozen books over the years, elicited a response from her; she brought it up today, in fact. Now, she said, she wasn’t doing anything except a little bit each day. She’d picked up the idea of discipline from me, in a most unfortunate way, I thought, considering her most spontaneous nature. We talked about why her psyche had done so. She agreed that she is protected from life in the hospital. She also thought that she personally couldn’t live up to the high quality of the Seth material — her own “mental work,” a good way of putting it. The symptoms, then, served to keep her at her desk over the years because she was afraid that if left alone she’d fly off somewhere and wouldn’t do anything.

(Jane was afraid of others as a young girl, and even in college — that she wouldn’t get their approval — whereas, I said, the others should have been afraid that they wouldn’t get her approval, since her abilities transcended theirs. So why should she sink to the common denominator? Jane said she’d never thought of that. I said it’s too bad the young don’t have the insight to stress their capabilities regardless of the opinions of others — but such thinking comes with age, usually, I’m afraid.

(Even those at the writer’s conference in the summer of 1957, at Milford, Pennsylvania, told her she’d outgrow her urge to write — that she should have a baby. And Jane felt that her body could betray her by getting pregnant. She even thought I felt that way. It’s true that I had no urge for parenthood, but I didn’t think of betrayal, or bargains. Jane was afraid getting pregnant would ruin my career because I’d have to work full time. I could have reacted better than that, I’m sure.

(I read parts of the session for April 18 to Jane — wherein Seth had said she’d become extremely frightened. It’s an excellent session. “But that’s it,” Jane said mournfully. “I’m afraid I’ve gotten in so deep I can’t get out.” A good, up-to-the-minute fear, out in the open. I’ve had the same fear many times. “But I’ve decided that enough is enough,” Jane said, after I’d speculated about why her psyche hadn’t put the brakes on her symptoms before this. Emotions were expressed after all, today, and the session was a success.)