“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(At 11 p.m., as I was about to begin copying checks from Maude Cardwell, Frank Longwell visited, and we talked about how to fix the back yard when the trees are gone. Now tomorrow I should take the lawnmower in to get that put in shape, for the grass is turning green and soon will be growing. I haven’t worked on Dreams for what seems like days.

(Jane seemed somewhat subdued, although she ate well. We discussed yesterday’s session. She tried to read it while I did mail, but I ended up reading most of it to her. I’d feared it was too harsh, but as I read aloud I did see that it expressed my thinking. Jane seemed to agree with the thesis that basically a deep fear is in back of her troubles, and we went over some of the same ground we’d covered yesterday. She suggested trying dream suggestion to get clues as to the root causes of her fears, and I said that that was a good approach.

(The day was warm and rainy at times, and the windows were wide open. Once again, her Seth voice was quiet, and I had to pay close attention to hear it competing with other hospital sounds. This time, also, however, her delivery varied in a strange way, seeming to ride rhythms of emotion and resolve by turn. She took many long pauses, and sighed at times while speaking for Seth. I thought several times that she might stop speaking in mid-delivery, but she kept going. At a few spots I felt the tears in her voice, and that they were very close to breaking through.)

(5:01 p.m. I could tell the session was a difficult one for Jane, especially when her voice wavered, and she almost halted her delivery several times. She said so too. “Yeah,” I said, “but how tough can a session be, compared to your daily situation laying in bed in the hospital? That’s a lot worse. This session might lead to something important.”

(I didn’t say so because the time was speeding past and I felt dead tired myself, but the session seemed to offer some glimmers of hope. Earlier today Jane had remarked several times that on April 20th she’ll have been in the hospital a year, and she didn’t see how she was ever going to get out.

(My personal opinion, which I haven’t even had the time to discuss with her, is that she ought to continue sessions in this vein, no matter how difficult they may be, simply to break the chains that keep her bedridden and hospitalized. Surely that goal makes them worth it. Earlier this afternoon I’d repeated my own grim assertion that putting oneself in Jane’s condition because of a fear of others, or the world at large, was untenable, and that I’d never stand for it. I asked her if she’d done enough of that herself after the session, and she said she was ready to change. We’ll see. At least I feel a small hope.