“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane didn’t call last night. This morning I took the cats to the vet, with far less trouble than I had feared. Yet last night I’d slept poorly, waking up to wonder how I’d make out trying to get them into the carriers for the journey to the veterinarian in Horseheads, which is a small community very close to Elmira. To me, they already seem better tonight, although they’ve each had but one pill for the itching.

(Jane seemed somewhat subdued, although she ate well. We discussed yesterday’s session. She tried to read it while I did mail, but I ended up reading most of it to her. I’d feared it was too harsh, but as I read aloud I did see that it expressed my thinking. Jane seemed to agree with the thesis that basically a deep fear is in back of her troubles, and we went over some of the same ground we’d covered yesterday. She suggested trying dream suggestion to get clues as to the root causes of her fears, and I said that that was a good approach.

(Another approach we want to try is to play the tape a friend had sent us several months ago — a reading by someone whom he considers gifted psychically. Jane is now ready to listen to the tape, and so am I. Last night I couldn’t find the tape, but now I did, just before beginning to type this session. So tomorrow I take the tape and recorder in to 330.

(So much time passed this afternoon that I thought Jane had passed up a session, but finally, after we’d talked some more, she said she wanted to have a short one. She’d become upset as the time passed, for our conversations more and more stressed the fact, without our overtly laboring the point, that our situation is, in our minds at least, rather hopeless. She didn’t know whether she could have the session, or dredge up anything that might help.

(5:01 p.m. I could tell the session was a difficult one for Jane, especially when her voice wavered, and she almost halted her delivery several times. She said so too. “Yeah,” I said, “but how tough can a session be, compared to your daily situation laying in bed in the hospital? That’s a lot worse. This session might lead to something important.”

(I didn’t say so because the time was speeding past and I felt dead tired myself, but the session seemed to offer some glimmers of hope. Earlier today Jane had remarked several times that on April 20th she’ll have been in the hospital a year, and she didn’t see how she was ever going to get out.

(My personal opinion, which I haven’t even had the time to discuss with her, is that she ought to continue sessions in this vein, no matter how difficult they may be, simply to break the chains that keep her bedridden and hospitalized. Surely that goal makes them worth it. Earlier this afternoon I’d repeated my own grim assertion that putting oneself in Jane’s condition because of a fear of others, or the world at large, was untenable, and that I’d never stand for it. I asked her if she’d done enough of that herself after the session, and she said she was ready to change. We’ll see. At least I feel a small hope.

(And it’s also obvious, I want to note, that we’re both aware that in certain ways Jane’s body is healing itself. If it didn’t it would die. The point is that the healing we want, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, has to come from a deeper understanding and encounter with those powerful forces that brought about the situation to begin with.

(Yesterday I’d mentioned to Jane that I hope Seth, in his current book, will go into the real relationship between wellness and disease. That is, what purposes do diseases serve in our world, since they are so prevalent, and have always been with us? I feel that there must be reams of information there that may be quite new, or revolutionary. Certainly we aren’t doing well as a species in coping with diseases. I also asked Jane about the question of diseases in wild animals — even those who have never seen a human being. If we create our diseases through our thoughts and lifestyles, how about animals? There must be similar reasons for the same results to occur, which would mean we are even more closely related to animals than we suspect. Or there are different reasons for animal diseases — reasons that yield the same results we have to cope with. Some of my questions grew out of my taking the cats for treatment of fleas and ticks, I told Jane, and I repeated the questions today.

(I’m quite aware that many of my own questions in this vein spring from insights gained through Jane’s condition — just as Seth referred to such goals on Jane’s part. But, I told her, there may be other ways to get the same information. Meaning that Jane has carried her own situation far enough, and then some.)