“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane didn’t call last night. This morning I took the cats to the vet, with far less trouble than I had feared. Yet last night I’d slept poorly, waking up to wonder how I’d make out trying to get them into the carriers for the journey to the veterinarian in Horseheads, which is a small community very close to Elmira. To me, they already seem better tonight, although they’ve each had but one pill for the itching.

(Jane seemed somewhat subdued, although she ate well. We discussed yesterday’s session. She tried to read it while I did mail, but I ended up reading most of it to her. I’d feared it was too harsh, but as I read aloud I did see that it expressed my thinking. Jane seemed to agree with the thesis that basically a deep fear is in back of her troubles, and we went over some of the same ground we’d covered yesterday. She suggested trying dream suggestion to get clues as to the root causes of her fears, and I said that that was a good approach.

(Another approach we want to try is to play the tape a friend had sent us several months ago — a reading by someone whom he considers gifted psychically. Jane is now ready to listen to the tape, and so am I. Last night I couldn’t find the tape, but now I did, just before beginning to type this session. So tomorrow I take the tape and recorder in to 330.

(So much time passed this afternoon that I thought Jane had passed up a session, but finally, after we’d talked some more, she said she wanted to have a short one. She’d become upset as the time passed, for our conversations more and more stressed the fact, without our overtly laboring the point, that our situation is, in our minds at least, rather hopeless. She didn’t know whether she could have the session, or dredge up anything that might help.

(The day was warm and rainy at times, and the windows were wide open. Once again, her Seth voice was quiet, and I had to pay close attention to hear it competing with other hospital sounds. This time, also, however, her delivery varied in a strange way, seeming to ride rhythms of emotion and resolve by turn. She took many long pauses, and sighed at times while speaking for Seth. I thought several times that she might stop speaking in mid-delivery, but she kept going. At a few spots I felt the tears in her voice, and that they were very close to breaking through.)

It is imperative that both of you realize that Ruburt’s body has been constantly healing itself, though not with the thoroughness that you both desire. Otherwise it seems to him as if he is a physical failure in that regard. (Long pause.) He has not been as successful as he would wish — but even when fears brought about complications, the body has been successful in many ways in countering these.

(5:01 p.m. I could tell the session was a difficult one for Jane, especially when her voice wavered, and she almost halted her delivery several times. She said so too. “Yeah,” I said, “but how tough can a session be, compared to your daily situation laying in bed in the hospital? That’s a lot worse. This session might lead to something important.”

(I didn’t say so because the time was speeding past and I felt dead tired myself, but the session seemed to offer some glimmers of hope. Earlier today Jane had remarked several times that on April 20th she’ll have been in the hospital a year, and she didn’t see how she was ever going to get out.

(I’m quite aware that many of my own questions in this vein spring from insights gained through Jane’s condition — just as Seth referred to such goals on Jane’s part. But, I told her, there may be other ways to get the same information. Meaning that Jane has carried her own situation far enough, and then some.)