“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane didn’t call last night. She said Debbie Harris visited. I shoveled quite a bit of snow in the driveway last night after I finished typing yesterday’s session, and for the first time in a long while felt the old panic return. It was gone by the time I went to bed, but taught me that sometimes the old ideas and beliefs die hard. I shoveled the rest of the driveway this morning, and felt much better — although traces of the same feeling in the throat returned for a time.

(Last night I had a rather vivid dream that I described to Jane before today’s session. I dreamed that I bought a new red, sporty-looking sedan car at a dealer’s. He wasn’t a very nice or pleasant man, younger than me, who swore a lot. I believe I told him off once or twice. After picking out the car I wanted at the agency, I left to get the money. When I returned I saw that a family of five people — parents and three young children — were in the car, and ready to drive away. The obnoxious dealer told me that he’d sold the car to the family, and had set aside an identical green car for me.

(I didn’t eat lunch because Lynn had arranged a surprise birthday party for one of the nurses, and she invited me to share in the food. I got to 330 by 12:40, but still had to wait until the tray came at 1:30. The food was delicious. Jane and I shared it. The strawberry cake was impossibly rich and sweet, though.

(When I walked into 330 Jane was singing to herself in a low voice. She wanted to be turned right away, since she’d been on her side since 10:30, after getting back early from hydro. She said she had a whole bunch of old songs she sang to herself — not Sumari,^* but the old standbys. I knew many of the melodies, but few words or titles. She ate a good lunch, and so did I. Jane gave me a bag of unshelled peanuts that I brought home for the squirrels.

(2:30. Jane had a cigarette. By 3:00 she began reading yesterday’s session, doing fairly okay with pauses. I worked on mail while she finished at 3:14. I told her that yesterday I got a box of 64 letters from our publisher, Prentice-Hall.

(3:55. After another smoke, Jane started rereading the session for January 29 again — this time doing quite a bit better than she had earlier today. She finished well at 4:13.

(While we talked, and as I wrote some of these notes for typing when I got home, I suddenly began to understand my dream of last night. The car stands for my travels through the psyche, and the family represented conventional America and its everyday beliefs, which I rejected. By demanding the red car that I wanted, I insisted that I go my own way, and in my own way. The dealer could possibly be me, voicing my own doubts and conflicts with society. Jane thought I was right. I’ve had much better results interpreting my own dreams in recent months, by the way. I now make intuitive connections that I seemed to be opaque to in previous years.

(Jane’s Seth voice was good, as it had been yesterday. The heater in 330 was working again, for some mysterious reason, since Jane said no one had been in to check it today, and yesterday the fellow hadn’t been able to get it going. The window was open a good foot, but the room was still warm.)

(4:43 p.m. I read the session to Jane. I said I’d forgotten to ask Seth to comment on my feelings about parenthood these days, especially as I’d felt them yesterday when looking at the photos of the aide Sue’s children. Jane suggested I remind Seth to do so tomorrow.

(Jane and I talked about her legs, motion, and so forth as I was getting ready to leave at prayer time. She then said that she’d picked up something from Seth — to the effect that we should live each day without worry as best we could, and let the future take care of itself. I’m probably not quoting her completely or correctly here, since I didn’t write down what she told me. She can add information, if necessary, after reading this note, and I’ll incorporate it in tomorrow’s session. I’m curious.)