“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(People’s reactions are too varied, I’ve learned, for us to expect them to behave as we want them to. We must be afraid of that. But I wasn’t pleased when Danny exclaimed, “Damn you, Rob, I want you to be as open with me as I am with you.” He quite forgot that he shouldn’t project his own feelings upon someone else who could be quite different. It made me wonder, as I drove home, what some people did before they came across the Seth material, or my own thinking. Who did they emulate then — how did they fill their lives, with what heroes and heroines? One thing is certain: They didn’t write books or develop an original philosophy of their own. They’re quite content to leap upon the work of others, and to get mad at them because they — meaning Jane and me — don’t react the way we’re supposed to. They also forget, or don’t understand, that being the way we are led to the creation of our work. If we were different people, the work would be different — or might not exist at all.

(I also thought the call might force a change in what I tell correspondents — but then, with the information about us that I furnished for Maude Cardwell’s article in Reality Change, what would be the point of changing my response to the mail? We have few secrets left. It’s apparent that the idea of people giving us money may have a negative side. But I can’t say that I didn’t know that.

(While I was on the phone an attendant brought us a letter from Sue Watkins. When I opened it I found a check for $1,000 made out by Helen Granger Park. “What’s Miss Bowman sending us money for?” I asked Jane. I was momentarily confused — for my art teacher in high school in Sayre, Pennsylvania had been Helen Bowman, until she married later in life and became Helen Bowman Park. I’d always called her Miss Bowman. It turned out that the Helen Park who had written had read Maude’s article in Reality Change, and sent the check to Sue to forward to us, to make sure we’d get it safely. That Helen Park lives in Austin, Texas. I may call her tonight, and Sue also. I told Jane I didn’t know whether to attach any significance to the two Helen Parks or not. Money was involved with both people, since my Miss Bowman had lent me the money to go through art school in New York City. I had repaid her during my three years of military service during World War II.

(I should add that when I realized what the check for the $1,000 meant, I had strange initial feelings of guilt and of rebellion, of being now in a pretty vulnerable position in some strange way, even though the money would help with hospital charges. I also thought that although Helen Park said in her letter that there were no strings attached to the donation, still there must be attachments in some form — that it was natural that there would be. The only way out of that situation that I thought of at the moment was that the giving of the gift, and the personal contact it meant, constituted the attachment. I now think there will be a variety of strings, in some form or another, and I don’t mean to be cynical in making this observation.

I am speaking to reassure Ruburt his temperature is a sign of healing as the body throws off what it does not need.