“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I worked on Dreams this morning. The day was cold — about 22 — when I left for 330 at 12:30. I’d just turned Jane when the phone rang. It was someone called Danny Olson, from a small town in Missouri. He’d sent some home-canned jars of fruits and vegetables at Christmas time; for the past year he’d also written a string of long letters signed “me,” meaning I couldn’t answer him to say thanks for the stuff. He’d done the same thing the Christmas before last, also.

(With an early letter he’d sent some photos of himself, and asked that they be returned. I did so. After that he quit adding his address to his letters. In the meantime I’d put his address downstairs in storage among many others, and hadn’t taken the time to find it so I could answer — another of the mail hassles that crop up often.

(While I was on the phone an attendant brought us a letter from Sue Watkins. When I opened it I found a check for $1,000 made out by Helen Granger Park. “What’s Miss Bowman sending us money for?” I asked Jane. I was momentarily confused — for my art teacher in high school in Sayre, Pennsylvania had been Helen Bowman, until she married later in life and became Helen Bowman Park. I’d always called her Miss Bowman. It turned out that the Helen Park who had written had read Maude’s article in Reality Change, and sent the check to Sue to forward to us, to make sure we’d get it safely. That Helen Park lives in Austin, Texas. I may call her tonight, and Sue also. I told Jane I didn’t know whether to attach any significance to the two Helen Parks or not. Money was involved with both people, since my Miss Bowman had lent me the money to go through art school in New York City. I had repaid her during my three years of military service during World War II.

(I should add that when I realized what the check for the $1,000 meant, I had strange initial feelings of guilt and of rebellion, of being now in a pretty vulnerable position in some strange way, even though the money would help with hospital charges. I also thought that although Helen Park said in her letter that there were no strings attached to the donation, still there must be attachments in some form — that it was natural that there would be. The only way out of that situation that I thought of at the moment was that the giving of the gift, and the personal contact it meant, constituted the attachment. I now think there will be a variety of strings, in some form or another, and I don’t mean to be cynical in making this observation.