“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane ate a good lunch as we talked. While I answered mail she began reading yesterday’s session, and once again did very well, holding the pages in her left hand as usual. She said that last night she’d had a brief blue period, in which she’d wondered if she’d ever walk out on the street again, but got herself out of it by saying “cancel” to herself, and remembering Seth’s material.

(She also thought of a chapter in Seth’s new book, one that was titled “Food and You” — then found herself stewing about saying something wrong in the book and leading people astray — more signs of old habits. “But then,” she said, “I told myself to trust myself and Seth, and I said to hell with it.”

They are not forgotten, but the people involved simply close their own eyes, so to speak, to those decisions, and pretend (underlined) that they do not exist, simply to make their lives appear smooth and to save face with themselves, when they know very well that the decisions really rest on very shaky ground indeed.

I do not wish to simplify matters, but such decisions can be uncovered very easily in children. A child might fall and badly scrape a knee — so badly that limping is the result, at least temporarily. Such a child will often be quite conscious of the reason for the affair: he or she may openly admit the fact that the injured part was purposefully chosen so that a dreaded test at school could be missed, and the child might well think that the injury was little enough to pay for the desired effect that it produced.

An adult under the same circumstances might become injured to avoid a dreaded event at the office — but the adult may well feel ashamed of such a reaction, and so hide it from himself or herself in order to save feelings of self-esteem. In such cases, however, the adults will feel that they are victims of events over which they have little or no control.

(4:27.) If the same kind of event occurs with any frequency, their fear of the world and of daily events may grow until it becomes quite unreasonable. Still, in most such instances those inner decisions can be easily reached — but while people are determined to “save face,” they will simply refuse to accept those decisions as their own. People will (underlined) to live, to act or not to act. To a large extent they will (underlined) the events of their lives — whether or not they are willing to admit this to themselves, and they will (underlined) to die.

I may or may not return, again according to those rhythms of which I speak — but I am present and approachable.

(“I didn’t want to interrupt while you were reading,” Jane said, “but I began to get what he’s going to say about a whole lot of things … He’s going to get into epilepsy, and say that it’s a result of your fear of your own power, and short-circuits it. The same thing with secondary personalities, so you can blame your actions on something else.”

(“I also got that he’s going to say that in ordinary terms we don’t have access to all the information we’ve got at one time because consciously it would be so hard to sort through it — but that we really are conscious of it, and for working purposes we just pretend that we aren’t. He’s said that before — that the so-called unconscious portions of ourselves are in themselves quite conscious.”