“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(11:05.) He had you to consider. This experience of his was taking time from your art as well as his own, to his way of thinking. At the same time, the mystical nature rejoiced at its opportunity, and sensed its potential. Ruburt was determined to go ahead (louder) — he was also determined to keep the old structures and to ignore the cracks in them. In part his loyalty to you was connected, and his responsibility as he saw it to keep you focused as an artist, and to let nothing distract you. Yet here he was distracting you.

He remembered his mother’s constant criticism of him, but barely recalls his scandalized disapproval of her swearing, for example, on his return home. He threw himself headlong into the Catholic reality, pursued it with great stubborn diligence, used it as a framework of conventionality in which he could allow his mystic nature to grow.

Some of this throws light on current experience. The religious background was there. At his preference and demand, he changed from a public to a Catholic school after the third grade.⁴ This was against his mother’s judgment. She felt that public schools were better and more socially beneficial. Ruburt, at that age — when he changed at the third grade — had quite a will then, in that he forced his mother to acquiesce to the change of schools. He put up such a fuss, Ruburt, and held such temper tantrums, that permission was given. He was stubborn even then.

He was always highly imaginative, as was his mother. His mother was socially defiant, flaunting her beauty with the “disreputable” elements of society. Much later, Ruburt would date the “disreputable” men in his environment, yet neither mother or daughter saw that parallel. Ruburt’s mother by then wanted a respectable, hopefully rich husband for Ruburt, and could not understand why he chose men who did not conform.

[...] She sensed his deep and personal inner awareness. It confused and haunted him, since his inarticulateness applied also to thoughts within himself. [...] In his solitary nature he came close to being a mystic, but he was unable to relate his personality as Joseph Burdo with the social world at large, or even to other members of the family. [...] He felt strongly his connection with the universe as a whole and with nature as he understood it. But to him, nature did not include his fellow human beings. [...]

[...] He cannot turn himself or his abilities off … His activities would be strong in whatever level of activity he focused his energy, exaggerated in terms of others by comparison. [...] That is reflected through his poetry as well as our specific work. [...]

Her grandfather responded to his own attraction for her, and was able to expand in her direction because she was not an adult. [...] He could not relate to another adult, and when in his eyes Jane joined the league of adulthood he would not have been able to retain his strong leaning toward her.

He never forgave his own children for growing up … Yet he related his own body, at least until the very end, very well with nature. He considered that he aged as a tree will age, but perversely he felt that others aged to spite him … From an early age, however, Jane drank in his feeling of completeness with nature, and it had much to do with her later development …