“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I’m sure that most of us react ahead of time to some events, and I’ll have more to say about this later in the book. Since in all of these experiments Seth was helping us through actual suggestions and explanations as to how we perceive such information, I simply couldn’t minimize his importance just to get the ESP book published. To us, Seth and the Seth Material was making everything else possible.

Finally, though the editor was for the book, his publisher turned it down. I was really disappointed at losing the sale. As a result, I played around with the idea of publishing some of Seth’s ideas as my own and hiding their origin. This seemed dishonest, though, and I decided against it. Besides, I felt that the very fact of the sessions was psychologically fascinating, and brought up questions that were answered in the material itself. So I sent my eight chapters somewhere else, stopped work on the book for nearly a year, and devoted my working time to short stories which were published in various national magazines.

“It’s put up or shut up time. That’s what it amounts to,” I said tearfully to Rob. “If this isn’t a lot of bunk, then let’s see you or Seth walk through walls!”

“No, of course not,” I said. “But it sure would be a great help if he was.” Just the same, I went into another slump. I still wasn’t at all sure that I believed in the survival of personality after death, and if we didn’t survive, then from whom was I getting these messages? My subconscious? While I used that explanation as a handy whipping boy at times, I didn’t really believe that either: my subconscious was getting enough expression in my short stories and poetry—and without adopting other personality characteristics. A secondary personality? Perhaps, but Seth didn’t fit the picture of any of the case histories we’d read—and neither did I.

I just wasn’t ready, apparently, to put Seth or myself under any kind of test. I was afraid that Seth’s claim to clairvoyance might be subconscious bluff—his or mine—and I didn’t know if I had enough courage to call the bluff or not. And suppose it wasn’t bluff? I wasn’t ready to face that either! I just hadn’t come to terms with my experience yet. I thought of “testing” Seth in a highly rigid, uncompromising manner. Seth had to be right or wrong. The idea of hits and misses in ESP investigations was unknown to me. I had little notion of the inner mechanics involved in mediumship, and most likely my attitude effectively blocked any consistent demonstrations at that time.

In the meantime, changes were occurring in my trance states. For the first year I paced the room constantly, while speaking for Seth. My eyes were open, the pupils dilated and much darker than usual. But in the 116th session, December of 1964, I sat down and closed my eyes for the first time. Rob wisely said nothing until the session was over. Seth told us that this was an experimental procedure and would not continue unless I gave full consent.

It seems ridiculous now that it took me 116 sessions before I’d close my eyes or stop pacing the floor. By the time this first change happened in my trance states, I’d already had my first out-of-body experience, and following Seth’s instructions I was having clairvoyant experiences during daily exercise periods. But I felt in control of these, while Seth was in control of sessions, and to me this made a difference. I agreed to the new trance procedure, but it was still some time before it became the rule rather than the exception. The trance was a deeper one, though, and the material launched into more complicated subjects. It was also during this time that Seth started removing my glasses just before he began to speak.

We were delighted at the prospect of meeting Dr. Instream, but in order to pay for the trip, including fees for symposium attendance, we would have to use our vacation money. Besides this, Rob was now working in the art department of a local greeting card company in the mornings, and painting in the afternoons. So we would have to take vacation time to make the trip.

“I have said this often—I am no misty-eyed ghostly spirit, materializing in the middle of the night. I am simply an intelligent personality no longer bound by your physical laws. …” Seth went on to speak about the ESP tests that Dr. Instream had suggested in our earlier conversation. “I have some difficulties with Ruburt’s own stubborn attitude at times; but we must also take this into consideration, and so we shall … I will seriously endeavor to do what I can do, within our circumstances. My cooperation can be counted upon. It goes without saying that all of this cannot happen overnight, but we shall begin. In a regular session I will discuss what can be done. We can do much. Much we cannot do. But since we understand both the potentialities and limitations, then we can make the most of what we have.”

“Again, I’m in over my depth. I need time to consider what we can do, what your ideas are.”

“There may be a time lag as I build up Ruburt’s acceptability in these directions,” Seth said, “but I anticipate no difficulties.”

Dr. Instream treated Seth with deference, great deference—and I admit that I found this somewhat suspicious at the time. I wasn’t sure myself as to who or what Seth was, and the thought crossed my mind more than once that the doctor’s attitude was simply a device to gain my confidence—the psychologist’s pretense that he believed in the existence of his patient’s delusion as unquestioningly as the patient did.

But the affair bothered me. It was to be some time before I completely trusted myself and my own reactions again. I also felt that I could no longer drag my feet: I had to find out what Seth could or couldn’t do.

Dr. Instream explained the parapsychologists’ attitude toward the testing of ESP and suggested that Seth try clairvoyantly to perceive objects upon which the doctor would be concentrating. We would do this in each session. At 10 P.M. Mondays and Wednesdays, Dr. Instream would concentrate on an object in his study in the town in which he lived. At the same time Seth was to give his impressions, and each week we would mail the sessions to Dr. Instream. This time I agreed; so did Seth.

Then, on our return home, Rob had another idea. Suppose we tried something along the same lines on our own? So at the same time we initiated our envelope tests, in which Seth was asked to give his impressions of the contents of double sealed envelopes.