“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Yet even to Rob I couldn’t voice my fears. Suppose Seth couldn’t? Wouldn’t that mean that everything else was some kind of subconscious fraud? Why had Seth agreed when he knew, whoever he was, that I was scared stiff?

“No, of course not,” I said. “But it sure would be a great help if he was.” Just the same, I went into another slump. I still wasn’t at all sure that I believed in the survival of personality after death, and if we didn’t survive, then from whom was I getting these messages? My subconscious? While I used that explanation as a handy whipping boy at times, I didn’t really believe that either: my subconscious was getting enough expression in my short stories and poetry—and without adopting other personality characteristics. A secondary personality? Perhaps, but Seth didn’t fit the picture of any of the case histories we’d read—and neither did I.

I just wasn’t ready, apparently, to put Seth or myself under any kind of test. I was afraid that Seth’s claim to clairvoyance might be subconscious bluff—his or mine—and I didn’t know if I had enough courage to call the bluff or not. And suppose it wasn’t bluff? I wasn’t ready to face that either! I just hadn’t come to terms with my experience yet. I thought of “testing” Seth in a highly rigid, uncompromising manner. Seth had to be right or wrong. The idea of hits and misses in ESP investigations was unknown to me. I had little notion of the inner mechanics involved in mediumship, and most likely my attitude effectively blocked any consistent demonstrations at that time.