“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

To say that my editor was surprised by the first eight chapters of my ESP book is putting it mildly. He’d had dealings with me before and knew me well enough to be personally interested. He wrote enthusiastic letters, but he was also worried about the book as it stood. My experiences proved that I’d been a medium all along without knowing it, he said, and this could invalidate the book’s premise—that the experiments would work for anyone to some extent, regardless of their psychic background.

“But the experiments did release my abilities,” I protested to Rob. “That proves the point, doesn’t it? I never had any psychic experiences before—”

Rob and I were both practicing with predictions; they took but a few moments daily. We cleared our minds of objective thoughts and wrote down whatever came into our heads, trying to predict the day’s events. The trick was to give the intuitional self freedom and not to intellectualize. Results surprised us, and convinced us that most people have more knowledge of the future than they realize. We discovered, among other things, that we would often foresee different portions of one event.

In the meantime we decided to write someone else in the field. Dr. Karlis Osis of the American Psychic Society would have experience with cases like ours, we thought. So in March 1964 we wrote him a letter. He soon wrote back asking for a few sample sessions and suggesting that Seth clairvoyantly describe his office in New York. I don’t know what I expected from Dr. Osis, but I sure as the devil wasn’t ready to see what Seth could or could not do. Seth offered to carry out the experiment, but I held back. I don’t know if I was more afraid that Seth could or couldn’t follow through.

“But Seth said he’d do it,” Rob said, reasonably enough.

“You’re afraid of putting this stuff to the test,” Rob said. “But that’s all right at this stage of the game. I’d rather you didn’t push it.”

“I can make mistakes and that’s okay,” I said, trying to explain. “But suppose Seth makes them, too? Suppose he tries to do what’s asked of him and fails?”

“No, of course not,” I said. “But it sure would be a great help if he was.” Just the same, I went into another slump. I still wasn’t at all sure that I believed in the survival of personality after death, and if we didn’t survive, then from whom was I getting these messages? My subconscious? While I used that explanation as a handy whipping boy at times, I didn’t really believe that either: my subconscious was getting enough expression in my short stories and poetry—and without adopting other personality characteristics. A secondary personality? Perhaps, but Seth didn’t fit the picture of any of the case histories we’d read—and neither did I.

In the meantime, changes were occurring in my trance states. For the first year I paced the room constantly, while speaking for Seth. My eyes were open, the pupils dilated and much darker than usual. But in the 116th session, December of 1964, I sat down and closed my eyes for the first time. Rob wisely said nothing until the session was over. Seth told us that this was an experimental procedure and would not continue unless I gave full consent.

It seems ridiculous now that it took me 116 sessions before I’d close my eyes or stop pacing the floor. By the time this first change happened in my trance states, I’d already had my first out-of-body experience, and following Seth’s instructions I was having clairvoyant experiences during daily exercise periods. But I felt in control of these, while Seth was in control of sessions, and to me this made a difference. I agreed to the new trance procedure, but it was still some time before it became the rule rather than the exception. The trance was a deeper one, though, and the material launched into more complicated subjects. It was also during this time that Seth started removing my glasses just before he began to speak.

The idea of ESP tests still frightened me, but I felt that they were inevitable and necessary.

We were delighted at the prospect of meeting Dr. Instream, but in order to pay for the trip, including fees for symposium attendance, we would have to use our vacation money. Besides this, Rob was now working in the art department of a local greeting card company in the mornings, and painting in the afternoons. So we would have to take vacation time to make the trip.

Rob sat on one side of me and Dr. Instream on the other. I decided that I wasn’t going to be hypnotized, but I lowered my eyes so as not to be conspicuous. When it became apparent that most of the audience had dutifully gone under—sitting there and reminding me somehow of pigeons with wings neatly folded—I looked up cautiously to see what Dr. Instream was doing. He was looking back. Rob was grinning, watching both of us.

“Uh, I don’t know how to put this,” I said, “but if you want to meet Seth you can. He’s around.”

After greeting Dr. Instream, Seth said: “My field is education, and my particular interest is that these [seemingly paranormal] abilities of human personality be understood and investigated, for they are not unnatural, but inherent. … I am indeed aware of the difficulties which shall be encountered.

“I have said this often—I am no misty-eyed ghostly spirit, materializing in the middle of the night. I am simply an intelligent personality no longer bound by your physical laws. …” Seth went on to speak about the ESP tests that Dr. Instream had suggested in our earlier conversation. “I have some difficulties with Ruburt’s own stubborn attitude at times; but we must also take this into consideration, and so we shall … I will seriously endeavor to do what I can do, within our circumstances. My cooperation can be counted upon. It goes without saying that all of this cannot happen overnight, but we shall begin. In a regular session I will discuss what can be done. We can do much. Much we cannot do. But since we understand both the potentialities and limitations, then we can make the most of what we have.”

“Exactly,” Dr. Instream said. “We must proceed carefully, without pushing … I’m out of my depth here, Seth. Spontaneity is important, but—”

“Yes,” Dr. Instream said. “But our human limitations … Our methodology is important to us here, if we are to get others to listen.”

“We have many fields of common interest, you and I. The personality must always be considered in an elemental way as patterns of action. When you attempt to tamper with various levels, you change them. When you crack an egg to discover what is inside, you ruin the egg. There are other ways to go about it. We do not need a hammer to crack the eggshell. … I am an egghead, but do not need a hammer to be cracked.” Here, Seth was smiling broadly.

“Your attitude may allow you to get some. But those who have a closed mind will not get any evidence that will satisfy them.”

“Some [evidence] that we have is difficult to deny, but we must conduct a methodical investigation of these things,” Dr. Instream said.

“There may be a time lag as I build up Ruburt’s acceptability in these directions,” Seth said, “but I anticipate no difficulties.”

“But Rob’s the one who takes them …”

“But suppose he’s right? I wouldn’t know it—that’s the awful part. Neither of us would know it or want to admit it!”

“But anyone that emotionally damaged would show symptoms in normal daily living.”

“But the sessions,” I cried. “The sessions that I think offer such a contribution … the material I’m so sure offers insights into the nature of reality! Suppose the whole thing is just a symptom of mental disorder instead?”

We drove up past the stately university buildings. How neat and orderly! If only life were that neat, I thought. Rob was still trying to comfort me when we arrived at Dr. Instream’s office. Was I really one of those talkative domineering women who used any kind of trick to control their husbands? I looked over at Rob. He stood there, quiet but assured, “cool” versus my “hot”—my idea of a man. Usually I’m talkative. Now I shut up and let Rob do the talking—or tried to let him.

Dr. Instream told us that the psychologist’s behavior was an example of the sort of performance that so upset parapsychologists. But more, he told me once again that he’d found no such tendencies on my part. “The man’s had no experience in the practice of psychology,” he said. “He’s only read textbook cases of this or that.” Then he told us that while the experience was unfortunate, perhaps it was best that we encountered it early in the game. Academic psychologists were apt to take a dim view of mediumship, he said. I would have to let such comments roll off my back. I should have laughed at the young psychologist. I should have said, “Well, it takes one to know one,” or some such.

But the affair bothered me. It was to be some time before I completely trusted myself and my own reactions again. I also felt that I could no longer drag my feet: I had to find out what Seth could or couldn’t do.