“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(“Well, you’d better come over here [to the card table] and let me take a stab at it before I fall asleep,” Jane said at 8:07. “I’m nervous and upset....” She’d been exercising her knees and hands. This was to be our first session since June 7, 1982. What’s happened in between would make a book in itself. I may add some of that material at the end of the session. I’ve just reread the last session, as has Jane, and will merely note here that I agree with much of it, especially with what I said in the notes —yet, rereading them, I can see how our attitudes brought about that material and its consequences. I believe both of us have learned much since then.

(Today we resumed the vitamin and cod-liver-oil therapies, which we’d let go last week, in the face of what I had taken to be Jane’s resistance. That had made me angry: I felt that it at least offered an avenue of exploration, that perhaps we could use it as an avenue for changing beliefs. Characteristically, she didn’t ask to resume it herself; I did this morning. I felt it offered hope, simple as it really is, and I couldn’t figure out what she was going to do without hope—without the sessions, without using her own abilities, without accepting some kind of reinforcement from anyone else.

(Yesterday Jane had what was probably her worst day yet—very uncomfortable indeed; she was in “a crisis situation,” as she put it. It was only too obvious. If prolonged it meant the hospital, or God knows what, but we had to do something. “If you love me,” she said, “comfort me like you would an animal, for I really need you.” And I tried to. I slept with her last night—fitfully, but it helped. She didn’t know how she’d get through the night, she said, but she made it. Her ass and buttocks and lower spine are a disaster area as far as bedsores go—much worse than previously, and, I told her, they must represent an exact replica of her inner state. How could it be otherwise? Such was the state to which we were reduced.

(Today she was much improved, psychologically, at least, and so was I. We talked off and on for much of the day, between interruptions like Rusty and Hal dropping in, my going shopping, etc. We agreed that from now on the sessions, and Jane’s own sessions, will have to come first in our lives, even before books or deadlines, so we take it from there. “Boy, it sure seems like a strange night to me,” Jane said as we sat waiting for a session at the card table at 8:27. She was restless and quite nervous, lapsing—for the first time—into periods of what approached a sleep state. “What if I try to have the session and nothing happens?” she asked. I told her everything would be fine. Part of the reason we both felt better was that we had made some decisions that offered hope: the food therapy, the sessions, etc. I really believed what I said, and still do.

(Hal Williams’ treatment of Jane helped her considerably. It’s interesting to note that after last June’s session Rusty and Hal had also visited us, and he had done the same thing for Jane then. I’d also made a note that they would visit again in the fall. So they showed up today as we decided to resume sessions. [I should note that they returned on Sunday afternoon, as planned, and that Hal demonstrated upon my own body how to treat Jane. His treatment left me so relaxed that I almost fell asleep, or so it seemed. I still feel the relaxing effects even as I type this material. It also helped Jane. Jane’s hands and knees have, I think, showed considerable improvement since we began the vitamin therapy, even with all the interruptions that treatment has had. The swelling seems to have left her hands completely. The fingers of the right hand are opening up from their clenched position, and the flesh has softened considerably. I’m hoping and trusting that such beneficial changes will continue to take place.

(8:53 PM. Jane sighed with obvious relief as she came out of trance. “That answers one question I’ve had for some time: I was getting pretty squirrelly—I wondered if I could still have a session. You know, if some part of me had decided that that was enough of that, or something....”