“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I’m no longer angry, for instance, although I was up until quite recently. That has passed, but Jane is in poor shape; her decubiti are much more aggravated, and have been for some time. She feels terrible most days. I still want to know what role the sinful self—to use the appellation Seth gave us—plays in all of this, for I’m more convinced than ever that it is still the dominant force behind all of it. An oversimplification, no doubt, but essentially true, I think. As I said to Jane this morning during our long discussion, I still want to know why one portion of the personality would want to drive all of the rest before it, even to the point of destruction, and perhaps even beyond. Surely there’s no future in that for the personality, at least in mundane terms.

(Yesterday Jane had what was probably her worst day yet—very uncomfortable indeed; she was in “a crisis situation,” as she put it. It was only too obvious. If prolonged it meant the hospital, or God knows what, but we had to do something. “If you love me,” she said, “comfort me like you would an animal, for I really need you.” And I tried to. I slept with her last night—fitfully, but it helped. She didn’t know how she’d get through the night, she said, but she made it. Her ass and buttocks and lower spine are a disaster area as far as bedsores go—much worse than previously, and, I told her, they must represent an exact replica of her inner state. How could it be otherwise? Such was the state to which we were reduced.

(I remembered that Seth once said that if a dying person decides to live after all, they’ll seize upon the tiniest hope, and respond. I thought that situation analogous to ours, for I can think of nothing left to rely upon except ourselves. I reminded Jane that I was interested in sinful-self material above all else. She agreed, I guess, but I know much other material will be forthcoming along with it, as it should. We’ll have to wait and see.

It will be enough to reestablish the sessions, and Ruburt’s confidence this evening, continuing tomorrow if you prefer—but certainly not wasting any too much time.

It took Ruburt some time to establish a certain kind of “equilibrium” for this evening’s session, but there will be no future difficulties in that direction. I am pleased, myself, that you indeed consider a return to the sessions. Give us a moment....

(Pause at 8:43.) It attracted you—you felt the pull of needed change (with gestures), but this change had a new sense of attraction. Such periods happen often in a lifetime, of course—such intersections into probable realities, where you suddenly feel that the time is particularly right, or can be, regardless of the desperation or need or sometimes precisely because of it.

(Long pause at 8:43.) Deplorable as world conditions seem, for example, as man’s desperate need for self-understanding is made known to himself, so in that world also there is a time of sensed change: new values that “will take this time.” (Firecrackers next door.) This applies now privately to some of the people that you know, but in particular it applies to both of you now. Period. (More fireworks at 8:46, but Seth wasn’t bothered.) These periods involve accelerations, sensed while they may still be invisible, and it is this kind of period that you have just now entered into. I will have far more to say whenever you decide our next session should be—tomorrow evening or whenever, as you embark upon your new saga—and for now I bid you a fond good evening.