“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(My brother Loren and his wife Betts, and brother Dick and wife Ida have just left, after a very pleasant visit. Betts and Loren brought the meal—half of which I supposed we weren’t allowed to eat, I told Jane. But it all tasted delicious.

(I think my wife is in bad shape. I note this aside from whatever changes may be taking place in her, as Seth has repeatedly maintained recently. Jane has slept just about all of each day, sitting in her chair, since the last failed session. Last night she was in agony in bed—all night. Our sleep has been very irregular. “Bob. I’m so scared,” she said to me at 6:30 this morning when I went in to get her up. I was filled with impotent rage at the turn events have taken for us, but said little. Her bedsores are worse daily. She’s refused naps in the afternoons, to give them a little rest. Hallucination has also been involved during the daylight hours—or at least disorientation.

(I’d raked leaves this morning—it’s been a beautiful day—while waiting for family to show up. Just before going outside I’d told Jane a capsule of my current thinking—that we were at the end of the line that she was going to end up hospitalized again, or in an institution where she could receive constant care. I could see no way out. I’d mentioned while she was still in bed this morning that I was going to call Dr. Kardon tomorrow morning, and tell her I wanted Jane back in the hospital. “What are you trying to do?” my wife cried out, “shock me into getting better?”