“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane does no “work” at all any more. She hasn’t touched Seven III. I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t calling upon her creative powers to her help out of the tragic situation she’s created for herself, and me. Even if I’d helped her create such a lifestyle in the past, unwittingly, I was certainly dead-set against it now, and had been for several years. I was constantly appalled and amazed that she’d let her seemingly hopeless condition and situation drag on day after day, until such a crisis point as we now faced was reached, where we now had little room to maneuver.

(I got a horrified reaction from Jane in the bedroom this morning when I’d mentioned the hospital to her, and that I was reaching a turning point in my struggles to care for her myself. Seth had recently said the hospital experience had been a traumatic one for Jane—so why was she doing again the very things that could lead to a return to that situation? Once again, a mindless resistance seemed to be the answer, at least from my standpoint. “Once again,” I said, “whatever it is, I know you’ll accept it, since it’s the reality you’re creating. And once again, I’m the one who’s pushing you to use your own abilities to save yourself, meaning at least trying to learn what’s going on through the sessions, for example. You should be telling me what to do—not the other way around.... But it’s impossible for one person to save another if they don’t want it that way.”

Now: I can offer you no better advice than I have given, since it is advice couched in truth. (Long pause.) The body behaves as I have stated, and so does the mind. Of late the situation has led to at least a momentary framework in which physical disabilities take a good bit of mental and physical time. Their own nature stresses the idea of disability, say, over constructive work. Time is spent “getting better” that otherwise would be spent in any other area of activity. It is almost, at least, as if you decide to take so many hours a day and struggle with a physical condition, through whose unique cast you would view your private reality and that world. (Long pause.) Ruburt’s body is recovering a good deal of inner responsiveness, or motion—moving more quickly in specific areas.

(5:43 PM. And that was it. We need a lot more. I probably won’t call Dr. Kardon or the hospital tomorrow, but will simply wait for nature to take its course, since except for the movement in the knees—which hasn’t increased—it’s been all bad, so the general outcome for the future is all but inevitable. I’d told Jane earlier, referring to it several times from different angles, that I felt the sessions were closing themselves down, for good. I may even make that decision myself. I’ve also thought of not finishing Dreams, but going back to painting for the rest of my life—another option. I know that sooner or later I’ll be doing this no matter what the outcome of our present situation is, whenever Dreams is finished, I suspect at this time.