“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I’d raked leaves this morning—it’s been a beautiful day—while waiting for family to show up. Just before going outside I’d told Jane a capsule of my current thinking—that we were at the end of the line that she was going to end up hospitalized again, or in an institution where she could receive constant care. I could see no way out. I’d mentioned while she was still in bed this morning that I was going to call Dr. Kardon tomorrow morning, and tell her I wanted Jane back in the hospital. “What are you trying to do?” my wife cried out, “shock me into getting better?”

(5:43 PM. And that was it. We need a lot more. I probably won’t call Dr. Kardon or the hospital tomorrow, but will simply wait for nature to take its course, since except for the movement in the knees—which hasn’t increased—it’s been all bad, so the general outcome for the future is all but inevitable. I’d told Jane earlier, referring to it several times from different angles, that I felt the sessions were closing themselves down, for good. I may even make that decision myself. I’ve also thought of not finishing Dreams, but going back to painting for the rest of my life—another option. I know that sooner or later I’ll be doing this no matter what the outcome of our present situation is, whenever Dreams is finished, I suspect at this time.