“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(The call was over our speakerphone, so Jane could hear SC when he said that her Seven III “was charming,” and that he liked it very much. He wants to see more, and I explained what Jane has ready and has yet to do. I didn’t say anything about Seth’s Dreams. Jane was very pleased that SC liked Seven, since I learned that she’d been worrying about this. She wants to check the next five chapters before sending them to Tam, who will send them to SC when he edits them, but she hasn’t done any work on them recently. She still sleeps in her chair most of the day.

(Elsbeth W. visited this noon, bringing Jane two skirts she’d made for her, plus several blouses she thought Jane could use this winter. The skirts, of heavier material, are designed to go around my wife as she sits in her chair.

(At about 4 PM I quit work, and began to prepare for my nap. I wanted Jane to lie down also, since she’d sat in her chair since about 7:30 this morning. She hadn’t even gone to the john—the same behavior she showed last Saturday, when a session had been held that night. Now Jane told me however, that she was feeling “panicky.” She’d been dozing in the chair and woke up feeling that way. It got worse. I could see that she had no intention of lying down. “God, I’m scared,” she said several times, but couldn’t say why she felt that way, at first. Then she said she thought her fright was connected to her fear of abandonment as a child—and that she would finally make life so miserable for me that I’d leave her.

(By 9:30 I couldn’t believe it: We weren’t going to have a session after all—and just when we needed one most. Jane alternated between rather quick changes in waking and sleeping in her chair. I lost patience after a while, mostly due to sheer frustration, I suppose. She was somewhat disoriented: “Just read me last night’s session,” she said. But we’d had no session last night, Monday. We hadn’t had one since last Saturday, October 30—four days ago.