1 result for (book:tps7 AND heading:"delet session novemb 10 1982" AND stemmed:would)
6/67 (9%)
chair
scared
crying
leaned
tv
[... 4 paragraphs ...]
(One of my first thoughts was that the dreaded time had come—that no matter what Seth had been saying lately, or what Jane and I thought about her getting better, she was actually worse off than ever. I envisioned calling Dr. Kardon tomorrow, to get Jane into the hospital—a prospect both of us shrank from indeed. I thought that even my wife would be forced to agree to such a move.
[... 3 paragraphs ...]
(Jane refused to lie down this morning while I went to Gerould’s, so I had to get her out of bed, after changing the dressings, within 10 minutes. As I sit here writing this evening, her legs are fatter than ever. Yet she herself first came up with the insight tonight that the panic was expressing itself through her disorientations and/or hallucinations. A very important point, a creative insight. She got mad at me briefly just now when I demanded to know if I would really get a session tonight: “Bob, I’m trying as hard as I can. I said you’d get one. You’ll get one.” Yet the next moment she was back hallucinating. A few minutes ago she’d told me that she had to have the session in order to get rid of the anxiety-hallucination complex.
[... 30 paragraphs ...]
(“It’s okay to scream,” I said. “The idea of doing it would scare anybody.”
[... 2 paragraphs ...]
(“Because I’m going to have to let go or do something pretty quick.... Boy, am I scared.” Jane said this often. I rubbed her back low down on her spine. She was very restless. I wasn’t sure whether or not she’d let the tears come through. “I’ve got to put myself out, like I did the other night,” she said at 9:28. I wasn’t sure of what she meant by that. But it seemed that now she would try to shut off the crying, or sidetrack it, at this time. The charge, built up and/or saved since childhood, must be terrific. Ordinarily the crying would hurt me, but now, this time, I really wanted her to let it come through.
[... 16 paragraphs ...]
(11:15: I told her that I’d soon be moving her into the bedroom. She didn’t react, as I’d feared she would, merely asking that I wait a bit. Not that her resistance would have done her any good.
[... 5 paragraphs ...]
(I should add that I could easily identify with Jane’s feelings of panic. In lesser degree I used to get them when I rode the bus to work at Artistic Card Co. Sometimes on that morning ride I’d swear that I was having a heart attack, and would die any minute—most unpleasant—and excellent warning signs. I never did see a doctor.)
