“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

DELETED SESSION

(I’m writing these notes as though for a session, but I have no idea whether a session will develop. As I can note the next day, however, one did develop—so I’m skipping the typing of the sessions for November 8—the second one for that day—and November 9, in order to get right to work on this one. I think it has very important things for us to follow.

(Today I had to go to the drugstore and food shopping, on separate trips. I also raked leaves for an hour and helped Peggy, our nurse, with Jane. And those activities lead into the crux of today’s session and events.

(Our time was running out. If, as Seth has repeatedly said lately, Jane was clearing her psyche, then I feared that she’d begun her task too late, mentally and physically. As Peggy J had said today, Jane needed nursing care that neither she nor I could provide now. That leaves but one alternative, and my thought and fear is that if Jane goes into the hospital again, the sessions are over—for good. And who knows what the hell will happen to us for the rest of our lives? Of such ingredients are cosmic farces made, I thought. It can be seen that I was having a hard time to keep from falling into the deep pessimism I’d experienced not long ago, and seemingly had rebounded from.

(Jane refused to lie down this morning while I went to Gerould’s, so I had to get her out of bed, after changing the dressings, within 10 minutes. As I sit here writing this evening, her legs are fatter than ever. Yet she herself first came up with the insight tonight that the panic was expressing itself through her disorientations and/or hallucinations. A very important point, a creative insight. She got mad at me briefly just now when I demanded to know if I would really get a session tonight: “Bob, I’m trying as hard as I can. I said you’d get one. You’ll get one.” Yet the next moment she was back hallucinating. A few minutes ago she’d told me that she had to have the session in order to get rid of the anxiety-hallucination complex.

(8:28. I was surprised when Seth abruptly came through just as I finished the above notes. Jane’s voice was good, her head down, eyes closed; she swayed to her left often. I was about to note that the session was probably a last gasp attempt to learn something important, to keep going on our own, before our world began to fall apart.

(“This thing has almost got the best of me,” I’d told Peggy this afternoon, “after 15 years.” I didn’t mean I hadn’t played my own role in all of it, for obviously I had. I explained to Peggy our insurance options. I stressed, however, that Jane’s challenges were still primarily psychological, and that her “cure” lay in that direction. I devoutly hope and trust that this session will mark the beginning of something very good. I demanded a session, I’d told Jane, if it was at all possible.)

(I was pleased at the way the session was going—and indeed amazed that Jane could manage to pull it off at all, given her circumstances. She said no more, just smoked. The TV was on, without sound. The cats slept beside the waterbed in the living room. The room was lit with a soft yellow glow.

The session is apt to go off and on, but for a fairly long period—I am not sure—as we deal with the nature of action and expression. (Long pause.) Reassure him of your love again. See his head is well lifted, and I will shortly return.

(10:01. Jane leaned so far to her left in the chair that I had to support her in it lest she overbalance the chair. She was still very restless. I thought the session was probably over.