“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Once again a crisis situation has come about. It’s now 8:30 PM. At about 7 PM, we were eating supper and watching Buck Rogers on TV, when Jane had another panic attack. This one was more extensive. It also took me a bit to realize that it was starting to show itself in the form of hallucinations or disorientation. Right after she’d finished eating, Jane began to ramble, talking about making impossible verbal rituals that she had to carry out before she could eat her ice cream for dessert. These periods were contrasted with examples of lucidity: “I’m going to make it,” although such periods were far in the minority compared to her ramblings about performing these rituals before she could perform any meaningful physical act like eating dessert. I cannot really explain what she said; it was too rapid and varied, and I had no notebook handy. She tried to make sense out of uncommon sense data. At one time Jane thought she was on the commode in the bedroom, and began to pull up her blouse. Another time she thought she was in her writing room while I did the dishes.

(Jane refused to lie down this morning while I went to Gerould’s, so I had to get her out of bed, after changing the dressings, within 10 minutes. As I sit here writing this evening, her legs are fatter than ever. Yet she herself first came up with the insight tonight that the panic was expressing itself through her disorientations and/or hallucinations. A very important point, a creative insight. She got mad at me briefly just now when I demanded to know if I would really get a session tonight: “Bob, I’m trying as hard as I can. I said you’d get one. You’ll get one.” Yet the next moment she was back hallucinating. A few minutes ago she’d told me that she had to have the session in order to get rid of the anxiety-hallucination complex.

(8:35.) These feelings of panic beautifully illustrate several issues, and Ruburt will be able to handle them all right. Take a brief break.

What he needs immediately at this point—which you have already been providing—are “bandages” of honest affection—for these help allay some of the original childhood panic, which rises in different form. He does seem to have it well within his head, however, that the time to change is now, and he is determined to do so. Some of the old panic is also threatened, of course, and hence shows itself in altered form at different times. Do remember this. Again, take a very brief break, and I will continue.

(8:47.) Those early feelings date back to Ruburt’s early childhood. They are the final, and yet first expressions of that panic. Therefore, they can be extremely valuable. There was also of course the event of St. Vincent’s. Also numerous small abandonments when Ruburt was still younger—but with your help he can indeed clear both mind, body and spirit, for he senses that relief, and knows it is at least within his grasp.

(I should add that I could easily identify with Jane’s feelings of panic. In lesser degree I used to get them when I rode the bus to work at Artistic Card Co. Sometimes on that morning ride I’d swear that I was having a heart attack, and would die any minute—most unpleasant—and excellent warning signs. I never did see a doctor.)