“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Yet I felt that they had patterned my life and behavior for some years, culminating in the physical situation. Actually, I’d explained them very well in God of Jane. They had to do with my religious upbringing, my joy and appreciation of my creative abilities, and my fear of using them at the same time, lest they lead me astray—or lead my followers astray.

(9:44.) That summer also seemed to be a time of crisis, as Rob pressed me, it certainly seemed to me, to seek medical attention. I’d gained a reprieve, but the reprieve didn’t gain positive results. As I read the notes I began to see some sense in the hospital situation. I must have gotten to the point where I thought, “Okay, if you’re afraid to trust yourself completely, and your own life, let’s take a taste of what it’s like to have no other place to turn but the world of conventional medicine and beliefs.” And my God, talk about fatal flaws! I’m not denying that such a framework has its good points, but the overall picture is really far worse than I’d imagined.

Are you going to trust this or that, or a combination of both? In any case I could see how important our ideas were, and how much they were needed—and I hope I began to feel that indeed I could trust my own life when it came down to it, when a choice should be made (all emphatically).

(9:53.) The finger must have darkened as we talked. I probably didn’t want to write any more. I feared I’d lost all inspiration—that 20 years of answers weren’t enough. And that perhaps my life had no place to go if that were the case.

Now that I took one drug, however, or rather thyroid extract, I was to some degree connected to that structure, but because I was, this did not mean I had to fall for the rest of it. I’m sure there is more coming to me intuitively, and I hope emotionally, that will give my life the impetus that I need.