“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We have yet to be given the results of the thyroid-blood test that was to be run last Wednesday, according to Dr. K’s nurse. I haven’t called, figuring it’s of little use. There may have been delays or goof-ups, as happened while Jane was in the hospital. I think she’s very gradually changing for the better as things are, and for the moment at least am content to take some comfort in that. Jane agrees. She’s still on the reduced Synthroid dosage, since we haven’t been told to change it.

(I called Upjohn nursing service last Tuesday, noting that starting next Monday we’ll want a nurse at the house only three times a week instead of five. I’ll do the dressing-changes required for Jane’s decubiti the other days. The nurse, Peggy Jowett, has already been informed of the change in routine. Our idea is to soon cut down the visits to two a week, then one....

(One thing that led to our decision to cut down the visits was that I felt that often Jane seemed worse after the nurses left than she was before they arrived, although her being stirred up for a couple of hours may have contributed to my feeling. But it does seem like a mixed blessing at best. We’re always on the watch for negative suggestions, and some of the nurses dispense these very freely. One of them, Eleanor, visited Jane the last two Mondays and Tuesdays. She is now on vacation, and we trust that the reduced schedule will do away with Eleanor’s visits. She is a nice person who means well, but who also broadcasts negative suggestions like a radio beacon, quite unwittingly. It’s easy to see that she has built her life around such feelings, and is quite pleased with it. [She told Jane she’s had five operations herself.] Jane got so that when Eleanor was here she was constantly saying “no, no, no” to herself as the nurse talked, in order to protect herself from that steady barrage.

(Both of us were down yesterday, myself actually for a couple of days. By last night, however, Jane had picked up some encouraging messages from Seth, which she relayed partially to me. I said I wished she’d made notes, which upset Jane because she thought I should have been glad she got the material to begin with, whether or not it was written down. A good point, I conceded. One of Seth’s points was that we’d “taken a crash course” in medical beliefs, or words to that effect, I believe. I thought that tonight Jane wanted to try for a short session in order to get that material recorded.

(“Are you open to questions tonight?” I asked as we sat at the card table waiting for the session. Jane didn’t know, though I didn’t think she was. I said that I wanted information on the present status and beliefs of her sinful self, for comparison with its earlier stances in life. This question has arisen because of my work on the intro for Dreams, of course, I have the feeling that it might be useful to get something on this so that I could use it to close the intro, but we’ll see. Actually, I regard the attitudes and beliefs of her sinful self as the key to Jane’s recovery, since better attitudes there will leave her free to automatically restore mobility, both physically and psychologically. Hopefully, this new synthesis is taking place now, and will accelerate as Jane responds. I’m of the opinion that her thyroid status is closely involved here.

—I want to simply put on record a few helpful remarks and comments I made to Ruburt last evening. (Seth calls Jane Ruburt, and me Joseph.)

(It’s Saturday morning as I type this material. I broke off to ask Jane about Seth’s reference to her skin being healthy. As I suspected, this came through because both Eleanor and Peggy have been telling Jane that she has to be very careful that her skin doesn’t break down in other areas so that more ulcers appear. Jane has grown tired of constantly trying to counter such ideas, she said now. I replied that we may be getting rid of the nurses even quicker than I thought.

(Jane answered by telling me how she felt this morning—“discombobulated” —meaning that various parts of her body seem to move, or want to move, out of rhythm or sync with other parts—but that overall she recognizes that those are all healthy signs of the body trying to heal itself. She then said that more and more it was going to be up to us to pull ourselves out of our difficulties, since it seemed we’d get little help from others. She wants us to be as optimistic as we can. These ideas are a great improvement over her earlier attitudes, of course, and we’ll see what we can do. They also probably answer some of my questions about the role her sinful self may be playing these days.

(9:35. Jane paused. Then, eyes closed, she began to lean sideways in her chair, ever so slowly, as though dozing....)

(9:44 PM. “I was aware of that where I started to doze off,” Jane said as soon as she was out of trance. But her delivery had been good, with few long pauses. I’ve noticed lately that in trance her eyes have looked especially dark and luminous as she spoke for Seth.