“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(At my suggestion she’d called Mike Appel, who wants to record Seth and Sumari. Since the implications here might involve success, I said as we talked, perhaps that too had alerted the sinful self to become more protective, although her current state had begun hours before I suggested the call. He is going to send her some suggestions for possible ways to go re recording material.

(See the attached copy of my letter to Hal Williams. Jane’s middle finger on her left hand continues to slowly mend itself, and the blueness in the little finger on the same hand has gotten no darker. It too looks a little better. I’m sure there is more of a story involving the fingers than we have yet learned. Yesterday—Sunday evening, Dr. Kardon called to ask how Jane was, and to tell us she’d be out of town for a week. I didn’t mention the little finger, in line with Seth’s and Jane’s own ideas as given recently. We asked about upping the thyroid medication, and Dr. K said it couldn’t be done without a blood test. She said she’d arrange for that here at the house when she returned to town next week. Jane has been on the 100 mcg dosage only for two weeks.

(After supper Jane said she felt “loads of material from Seth” about our discussion this afternoon, and that it would take up not one but many sessions. I said I was ready, while thinking that here we go again. We sat at the card table in the living room. “It’s weird,” Jane said, “really weird....I was aware of those lapses again as soon as I said I’d have a session, and I wasn’t before. That stops me.” She referred to her dozing after we’d eaten.

(8:31 PM. The end was abrupt. I felt so many emotions churning within me that I wondered just how I was supposed to express all of this love amid all of them. Was I supposed to just rise above all of them and forget everything else, or what? Before the session I’d told Jane that I’d always felt that in our relationship my own contributions were doomed to fall short of what she wanted and expected from me —that I’d always felt I couldn’t give all she needed from a marriage partner. Those early feelings are still true to me, and now they’re wound up with my more recent feelings that it seems to be up to me to struggle to try to save Jane from herself. An impossible task, of course, but one I’m acutely aware of these days. One small example: As usual, if it wasn’t for my own demands and suggestions, this session wouldn’t even exist—whereas to my way of thinking Jane should have demanded to have it on her own. I’d have been amazed had she done so, but glad to comply. My feeling here has always been that it’s my doing that we have any private material at all—that she’s always avoided it. In present terms I think that situation is just another example of the workings of the sinful self —to avoid challenge, to have its own way at all costs.

(I was also beset by obvious contradictions in the material. Seth had very recently said that Jane’s skin wouldn’t break down, for instance, yet here within the last week a large open raw area has appeared on her buttock, her right one—presumably because she usually leans to the right when sitting, putting additional pressure on that side and bottom. When I suggested she sit leaning more to her left, she didn’t understand what I meant. This in turn reminded me of something I’ve often noticed—that she seems to have lost that vital sense of how to manipulate her own physical body in its own best interests. I have extra athletic ability, I know, but I used to think that such self-preserving knowledge was inherent in everyone. To me, her opacity toward her fantastic abuse of her own body speaks loudly and clearly of the dominance of the sinful self—the willingness to use the body for its own ends, regardless of the consequences, even if those consequences ultimately are self-defeating.)