“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This afternoon Jane told me that she felt “panicky.” I’d known she was brooding—that was obvious—and withdrawn. She hadn’t even gone to the john since getting up around 8 AM—another form of withdrawal, I thought, once I gave it some thought.

(After supper Jane said she felt “loads of material from Seth” about our discussion this afternoon, and that it would take up not one but many sessions. I said I was ready, while thinking that here we go again. We sat at the card table in the living room. “It’s weird,” Jane said, “really weird....I was aware of those lapses again as soon as I said I’d have a session, and I wasn’t before. That stops me.” She referred to her dozing after we’d eaten.

(8:02.) I am trying to give you some overall ahead-of-time suggestions as to how to deal with the material as you get it, because your approach can be quite vital. The “sinful-self syndrome” (long pause) was activated or heightened or highlighted in the last year or so in particular as you saw yourselves in a crisis situation (long pause), and to one extent or another Ruburt felt that he would be forced to ask for medical help if he did not further help himself.

The nuances of such a statement as I have just made are many. For now, however, I simply want to make the point that additional stress was added to the situation. A struggle for survival, it seemed, came more immediately closer, particularly in the light of the hospital situation. After his return home, the sinful self was threatened even further, it felt.

Some of this will appear quite clearly later, that is, certainly Ruburt felt (underlined) at times that his mother hated him. When Ruburt fell in love with you, his vigor, strength, and expression rose to the surface. He needed love’s expression on your part, and he spontaneously expressed his own love for you in words and action.

(8:31 PM. The end was abrupt. I felt so many emotions churning within me that I wondered just how I was supposed to express all of this love amid all of them. Was I supposed to just rise above all of them and forget everything else, or what? Before the session I’d told Jane that I’d always felt that in our relationship my own contributions were doomed to fall short of what she wanted and expected from me —that I’d always felt I couldn’t give all she needed from a marriage partner. Those early feelings are still true to me, and now they’re wound up with my more recent feelings that it seems to be up to me to struggle to try to save Jane from herself. An impossible task, of course, but one I’m acutely aware of these days. One small example: As usual, if it wasn’t for my own demands and suggestions, this session wouldn’t even exist—whereas to my way of thinking Jane should have demanded to have it on her own. I’d have been amazed had she done so, but glad to comply. My feeling here has always been that it’s my doing that we have any private material at all—that she’s always avoided it. In present terms I think that situation is just another example of the workings of the sinful self —to avoid challenge, to have its own way at all costs.