“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane was already on her back when I got to 330 this afternoon; Gail Greene had had to turn her in order to check the catheter, which at first had refused to irrigate.

(As we got ready for lunch I told Jane that this morning I’d awakened stewing again—about Jane, but mostly about the long delays involved in getting the Blue Cross—major medical insurance benefits straightened out. I’d tried to counter the worries while working this morning, and had succeeded at times, but the concerns bugged me; each day I look for word in the mail, but it never comes. I told Jane that we may never hear from Blue Cross, since they’ve already turned down the claim once because the hospital was late in sending them her medical records. There have been other instances of bungling, too, not necessary to describe here. But I did go over the whole story with Jane to some extent, so she’d know what I was concerned about. I wanted Seth to comment if she had a session today.

(I also discussed the dream I’d had last month, in which I’d seen the checks out in the parking lot by the front tire of our car. Seth had said then that the dream was legitimate, and that it meant the source of the checks was far away—upstate New York. My own interpretation, I told Jane now, was the same is it had been then—that since the checks looked so small, it meant they weren’t that physically close to us yet—in other words, a waiting period was involved in which, hopefully, they’d move closer and closer to us.

(I also told Jane Steve Blumenthal called this morning, upon receiving the letter from Saul Cohen re not approving the tape deal. Steve is to send payment for the legal fees incurred by me so far for the tape question. I gave him another chance to back out.

(2:30. Jane finished a very good lunch. Cigarette.

(Jane didn’t launch herself into any exercises. At 3:39 Lynne took her blood pressure. At 3:40 Cathy took her temperature—97.8. At 3:55 I applied Steve’s Remedy Rescue Cream to the knuckles of Jane’s right hand. Steve had told me this morning that she’s supposed to use it for a couple of weeks, then see some results.

(Jane’s Seth voice was rather quiet. She wanted to answer my questions, although she started rather later; I was beginning to think she would pass up a session today.)

(4:35 PM. I suggested reading some of the first sessions in the new group to Jane, before I turned her, and did so. We heard Christine, the 90-year-old Russian lady, calling out as she had yesterday. I thought she sounded farther away, as though the staff had moved her, but when I left tonight I saw her in the room next door to 330 as usual.

(I told Jane that I came up with the idea—hardly original thinking, I said—that we never die even as physical creatures, until we reach a ripe old age in some probable reality. That even though we may die in childhood, and at successive later ages, each of us lives to old age somewhere. We shut out the early deaths from our conscious awareness as we move through probabilities. Of course, there has to be a physical cutting-off point somewhere along the line— but even then, I said, we may move into another life and begin all over in those terms.

(I told Jane, before lunch, that at times I see what Seth is talking about, what he’s really saying, quite clearly at times, and that this growing awareness in recent months has had a rather profound effect in my thinking. Every so often I do get glimpses, imperfect ones, that living is easy, that we are safe, each and every one of us, that we’re never annihilated, that mundane worries about money, insurance, jobs, and so forth are in deeper terms quite beside the point. I’m not knocking those things, but trying to put them into perspective. We pursue them for many varied reasons—but they are not the end-all or be-all by any means, as we’re so used to regarding them.

(Jane ate a good supper, even though dietary did send up the wrong menu. Margaret Bumbalo called, and left supper for me in the mailbox. She was to visit Jane later in the evening.

(As usual, I massaged Jane with Oil of Olay, and read the prayer with her before leaving at 7:08 PM.)