“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I told the women that Jane and I were getting tired of such activities going on behind our backs, and that now I wouldn’t make a move without legal advice. This may have surprised them, I’m not sure. Above all, I said, we’re not going to do anything that will compromise our case against the insurance claim.

(I went over to the Infirmary’s office with them after the meeting to get a bunch of papers Kim wanted to give me, because doing it this way would save me an extra trip sometime later. While there I expressed quite plainly my opinion that Jane and I were being manipulated, that I was getting mad at everybody. I wanted her to get that message, and told her Pete H. would be calling. She gave me a lot of figures I only partially understood. She also asked me about Jane’s assets. When I gave a rough estimate, she said that ruled out applying for something called Hill-Burton funds for payment toward the insurance bill, I believe. In other words, one has to be indigent before any help is offered, it seems.

(“That’s the system,” Connie Lido said when I told her Fred hadn’t told us he’d signed that form. Over in her office, Kim Evans said that the report on Jane noted that her joints were “frozen.” and I explained to her that that wasn’t the case at all—another instance of lack of communication. She also explained something to me about indigence—how, after a certain period of time Jane and I would be considered separate people so that she could qualify Medicaid payments, I believe—and that, even if they got after me to make up those payments, I could refuse to do so. This is certainly garbled—but she made some notes on it, and I’ll be giving them to Pete, or at least telling him about them when I call him in the morning.

(Jane wondered about getting Sue Watkins to type the Rembrandt book, without any notes at all. When I asked her why, she said to get money. I said that when we needed $15,000 a month, the book meant little. I didn’t mean to denigrate the value of the book, but it can’t help us much—no book can at this date. I’m not against someone else putting that book together for publication, providing someone wants it, and things may work out that way. At one time I thought of asking Tam if he’d do it. It’s another instance of having something there that I can’t seem to resolve—very frustrating.

(“I figure on calling Pete tomorrow morning and telling him about today’s events, but I don’t want to change probabilities by dwelling upon them. At the same time, I get angry when I think we’re being manipulated, and so forth. I feel a conflict there. I don’t want to change our present situation here in the hospital when we’re getting results, so I don’t really know what to do....”)

(5:03 PM. The session certainly did help like mad. I found it almost amazingly optimistic, compared to what we’d been doing today. It surely shows the way to go, if we want to be free, though at the same time we can’t divorce ourselves from daily life.

(Both of us felt much better after the session. When I was walking out the door for home tonight, I realized that even so I’d forgotten to read the session to Jane, so I went back into 330 to do that.

(I kept the session in mind, so I didn’t go so far as to tell Pete to go all out and start suing everybody—although we’ve discussed litigation re the insurance. But what I want Pete to do is to thoroughly familiarize himself with all facets of our “case,” so that we can then make some intelligent decisions. I didn’t even tell Pete that, but will probably end up doing so. Now I don’t know whether to call Fred and get mad this afternoon, or what, considering the material in the session. The session may be acting as a healthy brake on my going too far, too quickly. If so, I’m grateful.