“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(“Anyhow,” Pete told me, “I know it may not be easy, but I want you and Jane to not worry. We’ve got to fight this thing, though. Their position is ridiculous.” He said this after A. Fife had outlined the situation, that Jane didn’t require hospitalization. Pete wants Fred K. to write a letter, or something like that.

(Jane ate a good lunch and began reading yesterday’s session at 3:00. She was halting, but got through it pretty well, so overall she did okay, I told her. She said that when I came in this noon she didn’t ask me how I made out this morning because she was going to wait until after her lunch, in case I had bad news. I told her I felt quite cheered by the morning’s implications, and that we d take it from there as best we could.

(I didn’t have time to go into it today, but Seth’s material reminded me anew that I know my own mother had managed to make me afraid of certain areas of life—that as I grew up, then left home and had to manipulate in the world, I became quite aware that I’d acquired certain fears or inhibitions. It’s a long story and I don’t intend to go into it here; I just wanted to insert this note as a reminder.

(I was already thinking that we didn’t want to move in any direction until the insurance matter was cleared up, lest it appear that we were running scared. If we moved now, I thought, we might end up stuck with a bill for $50,000, if the insurance refused to cover it under our old setup. I knew I’d be calling Pete first thing Monday to tell him about this. I also knew there were few private rooms in the Infirmary, and that if we lost our privacy it would interfere greatly with our work together—and that the creative work is as much a part of therapy as anything else. Why did this have to happen now? I wondered as I hung up, just when it seems we might get somewhere. But actually, this latest twist was a result of our trying to get somewhere, and might actually work to our benefit with the insurance company, once they were told that my wife couldn’t be moved. That was the message I want to get across to them, with Pete’s help.

(“I’m not moving anywhere,” Jane announced adamantly when I tried to explain about the call. And maybe that stand was a good one, I thought, since it was definite. Seth can comment. I told Jane I thought the whole thing was one more piece of the puzzle falling into place—that above all I didn’t want her to worry, to just forget it. “I’m not going anywhere,” she stated again.