“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(3:20. A girl from Andrew Fife’s office called to tell me that Andrew had called one of the supervisors at Syracuse—Blue Cross—about our major medical claim. The man there said he’d pull our file, go over it all, and call Andrew back tomorrow. Word would be relayed to us, presumably in 330. So we’ll see.

(3:50. Jane did a few mild motions with her head and shoulders and left foot—to the same extent as she’s been doing in recent days. A couple of minutes later she said, “Every time I start to compose myself for a session my legs start moving—but I shouldn’t complain about that, should I? I guess I’ll try to start.”)

(And Jane, now I’ll tell you that as you had a crying spell last night—so have I at various times since you went into the hospital last April. I remember that once I woke up in bed, after midnight, and burst into tears as I thought about you. The spell must have lasted for at least half an hour; it went on and on. Other times I would suddenly begin crying as I ate breakfast, or heard a familiar song on television, or sat at my typewriter working on Dreams. I always knew that these episodes were therapeutic. They began to taper off after you resumed the sessions in early October, and I haven’t had one now—not outright crying—for several weeks. But for a long time—months—I lived with tears just beneath the surface, you might say, as I wondered what was going to happen to us, why you were so sick, what we’d done wrong all those years, and so forth. I learned to live with those feelings, but it was a different kind of life than I’d ever known. For a long while I was resigned to them.