“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I got there at 1:05. It was raining heavily, but warm—about 35—and I got my feet wet because I’d left my rubbers in 330. I dried my shoes on the heater, which is working well now. Jane was ready to be turned at once: She was uncomfortable with a folded pillow placed under her right foot, so that it raised her foot up too high and placed a strain on her right knee as she lay on her side. Mary Ann had put it there, with a student; they’d taken care of Jane this morning. Jane said the act was done before she realized it, and they were gone.

(I asked her to try to watch out for such events and catch them before they happen, say, but she said this was often impossible. Afterward I wondered if I should have made my little speech, since it stressed negative things.

(1:30. Jane ate very well. An hour later I called Andrew Fife in billing; he was out for 15 minutes, and would call back, a girl said. I started my daily notes. When Andrew called I went to see him, showing him the two latest communications from Blue Cross, with the new claim numbers for Jane’s account; he copied them, and reiterated that the company was stalling: “It helps their cash flow, but it doesn’t do anything for ours.” A lot of money is involved—millions of dollars, upon which Blue Cross can collect extra interest by postponing their payments to clients, he said.

(A monthly chart lay on Andrew’s desk, and I read it upside down. Jane’s name was on the first page. We are due around $50,000 from the insurance company now on the major medical claim, but according to the chart, we’ll owe but $3,501.54 of that amount. Andrew didn’t discuss it with me. He tried to call Syracuse but the line was busy. He’s to talk to them and let me know what he finds out. The search goes on. I’m keeping Seth’s information about bureaucratic bungling in mind, I told Jane; it appears that he is quite right.

(Her Seth voice was good, her eyes usually closed or nearly so.)

(4:32. “Is he saying something new here?” I asked Jane as soon as she was out of trance.

(Jane almost laughed. “I was thinking of that. This almost sounds like it.”

(I was thinking that Seth was on his way to saying that part of Jane’s own trouble was her conscious struggle to go her own way with her unusual abilities, in spite of her early conditioning—religious and otherwise.

(The supper tray came. It was time for me to turn her on her left side. “Now my foot’s going, and stuff,” Jane said, as soon as I mentioned turning her. I was very pleased to see her “branching out,” so to speak, with the session material, even though it still was applied to her for the most part.

(When I read her my note at break, dealing with her own reaction to a conventional religious background, she most definitely agreed with it. I guess this isn’t new information after all, I thought, yet I felt that it was. Perhaps, before, we’ve been assigning Jane’s symptoms too much to her wanting to restrict herself to make herself work, because she feared that being left alone, she wouldn’t work. But the real conflict could be that her early religious conditioning especially forbade her working with her natural abilities to their own specified degrees. Her self-distrust was the conscious overlay for the culturally forbidden activities.