“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Yesterday while proofreading the Mass Events galleys I got the feeling that that book really bothered me, served as a focal point. My eye troubles started the same spring that Seth started dictating it; I was doing James; Frank L. was building the porches; and the Gallery of Silence people were bugging us. Before though, the fact escaped me that Seth had started Mass Events—representing his and my direct attack on official dictums—or so it seemed to me. Before we sort of did it by inference. I accept everything in the book—his opinions on medicine, etc.—but I think I felt that if I was going to tell it like it was—and I was, was determined to, then I also needed more protection from the world—and began cutting down mobility again. My idea is that the eyes get bad after the muscular strain reaches a certain point. This idea also came back, reading a book on William James Peggy G. gave me for Xmas—his attitudes and mine so often seem similar—that he was determined to be daring, press ahead no matter what, explore consciousness—while at the same time being attracted to safety, disliking controversy, wanting peace, etc. I think I am that way. The long breaks when Seth didn’t dictate may have come when I got particularly concerned about the material, the wisdom of presenting it to the world, etc. In fact Seth gave us Frameworks 1 and 2 stuff in there, to help me. I did grab hold several times, and with the God of Jane book, the new inspiration there—and stuff on following impulses, made some very good improvements. But far more than Rob, from the beginning I was nervous and anxious—about directly coming out with many of the ideas—which at the same time I fervently and even passionately believe in.... I may fear that if you go too far.... telling it like it is.... that the establishment will just cut off your platform.... or that people will or would stop buying the books.... something like.... biting the hand that feeds you—you can only go so far. Yet I’ve always known that these ideas conflicted with official ones—it’s just that before the “attack” was less direct....

(Lately I’ve really been working with ideas of safety, saying and believing that I am safe, secure and supported and that I do trust my natural spontaneous motion.... Now as I write some old dumb stuff comes emotionally to mind—my mother saying that I’d destroy those I loved or some such nonsense.... but as if I always felt that spontaneously, left alone, I’d end up taking away people’s comfort blankets and I felt bad about that, even while I knew that those philosophic blankets were wormy, had to go. And I do see that I’m offering something far better.