“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(See the attached notes of Jane’s, concerning her experiences of April 30 and May 2. Actually, much else has taken place also, but I didn’t keep daily records and feel somewhat lost in trying to reconstruct events. This morning, for example, Jane slept until noon, and after I got up at 6:30 she had a number of recurrences of her “panic attacks.” Last night she’d slept fairly well, although at one time she sat up and wrote some notes on the Speakers’ manuscripts. The night before, she’d come up with good material about how to conclude her third Seven novel. I should add that she stayed up all day yesterday, for the first time in many days. She did take a nap late in the afternoon at the same time I lay down.

The entire Sinful-Self syndrome should remind him of his own personal background, so that he can see the growth of his personality, for in the large he has of course grown out of that framework. If he had not, he would not have done any of his creative work, and in the light of his background his achievements become even more outstanding. The symptoms are the result of the strain between the still-lingering beliefs from childhood, clashing with the unrealistic goals of being a kind of superself, for in the light of that kind of superself image so much is expected that almost any achievement is taken for granted.

(Long pause at 9:58.) He had been shy with people, shy about reading his own poetry, though determined to do so, yet he felt that he should become this public personality, or to perform. I keep trying to think of examples so that you know what I mean. The entire idea of responsibility has been over-stressed. The creative work was expected not only to be creative, imaginative, intuitive, to contain the highest elements of conceptual thought, but must also be capable of solving the most concrete physical problem, tuned with some magical tuning fork so that it could serve almost any purpose required of it.

(Long pause at 10:18.) Ruburt felt that fears were beneath him—or should be beneath him. He felt that you also expected him to cast aside such feelings, particularly if they did not correspond with your own. This is a time of clearing the board. You live physically in present time, so it is the body that takes the brunt of such difficulty. (Long pause.) It always tries to right itself, but it must also work within the effective overall pattern of beliefs and expectations.

The panic is dissipating through varying stages of expression. Expressions of love and support on your part are invaluable. So that Ruburt understands that you love him for the person that he is—not for some better self that he should be. He is beginning to move ahead again creatively, which will also be physically reflected. The two are related.

(10:36.) A note to Frank Longwell, by the way—that all in all he is handling the events of his life well at this time. It will help if he trusts that such is the case, so that self-doubts are minimized. It will also help if he remembers what he likes to do and enjoys doing, as opposed to what he thinks he should do in the line of business.