“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(See the attached notes of Jane’s, concerning her experiences of April 30 and May 2. Actually, much else has taken place also, but I didn’t keep daily records and feel somewhat lost in trying to reconstruct events. This morning, for example, Jane slept until noon, and after I got up at 6:30 she had a number of recurrences of her “panic attacks.” Last night she’d slept fairly well, although at one time she sat up and wrote some notes on the Speakers’ manuscripts. The night before, she’d come up with good material about how to conclude her third Seven novel. I should add that she stayed up all day yesterday, for the first time in many days. She did take a nap late in the afternoon at the same time I lay down.

(Jane began crying after I called her this noon, as she felt the waves of panic sweep through her, and she continued to cry for some little while. She said the feelings didn’t seem to be related to any specific events that she could remember. They were very unpleasant—frightening—and we thought that they were supposed to be therapeutic in nature, in line with Seth’s recent material. Had she succeeded in repressing them, as she had done in the past, more trouble would have presumably erupted at a later time.

(Jane wanted Seth to discuss her panic feelings tonight, although she didn’t seem overly enthusiastic about a session either. When Debbie showed up and the time approached 9 PM, I thought Jane might choose to pass up the session after all. “It’s important, though,” I said to her when Debbie was out of the room for a moment. Jane agreed, saying DJ was ready to leave, and we held the session after all.)

To some extent Ruburt’s panic is also the result of trying to live up to an impossible image, while forgetting his own personal background, and by expecting himself to behave as if that background was unimportant. (Long pause.) He was a person taught to believe that expression was somehow wrong. Despite that he became an excellent writer. He uses expression constantly. He expected himself to be a public personality—that is, he felt the responsibility to be one, as if that had always been a goal, when of course it had not been.

(A one-minute pause at 10:11.) You have always been do-it-yourselfers, so your strengths and weaknesses become quite noticeable. (Long pause.) Who can say when determination ends up in stubbornness? (Something I’ve wondered about at times.) Ruburt has been facing the feelings of panic, however, that he had buried. They may not be pleasant, but they are expressions, often enough of valid-enough questions and fears that were overlooked or pooh-poohed as insignificant or foolish in the light of this superself image, who was expected to have no doubts, no fears, only flawless performance.

The panic is dissipating through varying stages of expression. Expressions of love and support on your part are invaluable. So that Ruburt understands that you love him for the person that he is—not for some better self that he should be. He is beginning to move ahead again creatively, which will also be physically reflected. The two are related.

The present situation has been bound to result in more concentration upon the problem than usual, but in this particular instance the overall results become constructive, because they result in the psychological motion of the released feelings of panic. The experiences he had, of better imagined walking, for example, are important indications of inner resolutions, and that the body is making progress. (Long pause.) The panic kept him from trusting his body, and as that dissipates his innate trust in his body and in his own capacities will improve, and his performance, of course. The suggestion I gave about his situation is important in that regard. (See session of April 24, 1981.)

That is enough for this evening. Generally speaking, however, both the physical discomfort and the panic have passed their intense periods. The idea of responsibility has hampered him. The panic-in-the-morning episodes will also begin to pass, but—they are also caused by the feeling of not being able to measure up, no matter what one does.