“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane began crying after I called her this noon, as she felt the waves of panic sweep through her, and she continued to cry for some little while. She said the feelings didn’t seem to be related to any specific events that she could remember. They were very unpleasant—frightening—and we thought that they were supposed to be therapeutic in nature, in line with Seth’s recent material. Had she succeeded in repressing them, as she had done in the past, more trouble would have presumably erupted at a later time.

(Jane felt recurrences of the panicky feelings to a lesser degree through the day, and occasionally she cried or whimpered a bit. “All I want is to be loved and cuddled,” she said upon getting up, and I tried to offer what help I could—very inadequately, I’m afraid. She did make out fairly well in the bathroom, however.

To some extent Ruburt’s panic is also the result of trying to live up to an impossible image, while forgetting his own personal background, and by expecting himself to behave as if that background was unimportant. (Long pause.) He was a person taught to believe that expression was somehow wrong. Despite that he became an excellent writer. He uses expression constantly. He expected himself to be a public personality—that is, he felt the responsibility to be one, as if that had always been a goal, when of course it had not been.

(Long pause at 9:58.) He had been shy with people, shy about reading his own poetry, though determined to do so, yet he felt that he should become this public personality, or to perform. I keep trying to think of examples so that you know what I mean. The entire idea of responsibility has been over-stressed. The creative work was expected not only to be creative, imaginative, intuitive, to contain the highest elements of conceptual thought, but must also be capable of solving the most concrete physical problem, tuned with some magical tuning fork so that it could serve almost any purpose required of it.

(Long pause at 10:18.) Ruburt felt that fears were beneath him—or should be beneath him. He felt that you also expected him to cast aside such feelings, particularly if they did not correspond with your own. This is a time of clearing the board. You live physically in present time, so it is the body that takes the brunt of such difficulty. (Long pause.) It always tries to right itself, but it must also work within the effective overall pattern of beliefs and expectations.